Chemo Round Three Is Finished!!!

Wooohoooo! Chemo round three is done and over with! One step closer to remission!

Screw you cancer, we got this.

AND because I am an awesome, outspoken patient I got released early so no more hospital for me! I'm feeling pretty tired so today will be an easy day on the couch cuddling with the kiddo but it's way better than being in the hospital!

I want to thank all my wonderful friends from the bottom of my heart that have visited through this chemo treatment and for bringing me so many delicious snacks. Thank you for saving me from hospital food. It definitely reduced the stress and I thank you all so much. Love you guys!

So now I'm just waiting for the official okay and I can get out of here!

I have family in from Colorado this week so that is great. My dad and his girlfriend Sue are up here for a visit so it's nice to have some added family support. I hope that I'm feeling good tomorrow to enjoy my freedom.

The nurses were absolutely lovely during this hospital stay: if any of you ever find this blog- thank you for being so great to me and my son during this time. Nancy, Sue, Megan, and, Nick- you were all amazing.

I am so happy to have this third round done and be one step closer to this being a distant memory.

That's all for now folks- it's time for me to skip out of here and go eat some pizza!

Chemo Day Four!

So far, so good. I'm handling this chemo round like a champ. Having hardly any side effects right now. If anything just a little tired but that's about it!

I have too much fire in me to let this knock me down! ;)

If anything, I am just BORED. I tried some of the craft projects I brought with me but that didn't work too well. I managed to make earrings but then once I got to the bracelets I got bored and gave up.

Next I'm going to try knitting- we'll see how that goes! It's hard to focus in here- I'm just so antsy!

Sorry for the short little updates guys- like I said, I can't focus. I'll have more in depth and entertaining blog posts ready for everybody once this chemo round is done.

Thanks everybody that has visited me and for all the support. You all rock!

Day Three of Chemo Complete!

This is just going to be a short little update because I know some of the family reading this will worry if they don't hear from me.

Today's chemo round went good- felt pretty good all day and just bored. Can't wait to do outpatient chemo for the right of my treatments. I really don't feel too bad when I'm in here- it'd be so much easier to be at home. Nothing compared to what I feel like if I had a cold or the flu or something. It's pretty manageable. It's amazing what they can do now with medications to make you feel normal.

Just two more days to go and I'm home free! And the last time to stay in the hospital ever! Now I can stay at home and get my medicine and be there with Adrian to spend time with him.

Recovery is now pretty much halfway done. Can't wait to put this behind me. Have a bright future ahead of me and Adrian- I can't wait to enjoy every minute of it.

Well that's all for now! I said it was going to be short. ;) Spent most of the day working on homework and spending time for Adrian, my mom, and friends so not lots of time for blog writing.

Until tomorrow kids!

Day Two of Chemo Complete!

Well, today is officially coming to an end so round 3 of day two is now complete! Just three more days to go!

I had a hard time sleeping last night. So I got pretty bored and started taking pictures. The lights from my IV were making me think of green hospital monsters. No seriously, look!

Okay well all know that's just the reflection of my IV lights on the window but to any regular sci-fi writer we instantly think aliens.

Or ghosts. 

And this was my ghost face. 

Oh sweet crispy cremes the ghosts are coming!! It's like Blair Witch project without the camcorder! Dr. Port Installing Hot Pants where are you?!?! Oh wait, we left him at Baycare. Booo. (See port surgery post for more descriptions on Mr. Biceps)

Seriously I bet hospitals are haunted. Think of all the things that happen here. Or don't think about it. I really shouldn't think about it.

I'm starting to get bored.

But today was filled with wonderful visitors and pizza so it was a good day. Busted out some homework and got my grades in. And I am pleased to announce I am getting all A's. Because I'm awesome like that! 

The absolute favorite part of my day was cuddling up with this little cutie:

Gosh he's just the cutest. He will be very excited that mom gets to do outpatient chemo next time around. He's too bonded to me to be a part from me for very long and it's just been too hard. One day I hope he'll look back on this (if he remembers much) and be proud of his mommy for beating this cancer. I have better things to do. 

Seen a lot of sick kids around the hospital today which just breaks my heart. I hope they're okay. And above all, I am grateful it was me instead of Adrian. After this treatment we are half way there! The light at the end of the tunnel is nearing!

And I am just so stoked that I still have my eyebrows!

Day One of Chemo!

Well the first day of chemo has been uneventful so far. Everything is going good. Almost finished with the first dose of the Rituxan and had no allergic reactions. Just felt really sleepy but that was it! We'll be starting the Doxy, Vincristine, and Etoposide any minute now and we'll be cruising on our way.

It's easier to be going through this now that we have those awesome x-ray results. At least I know the treatment is working and all this hell is worth it. Definitely improves my attitude on things. I finally have the technical terms down since I've recently been on a Googling mission. The technical term for my type of chemotherapy treatment is DA (dose adjusted) R-EPOCH. I have no idea how they come up with these abbreviations but that's the technical term.

Update: I found out what the abbreviations stand for: DA-EPOCH-R (dose-adjusted etoposide/vincristine/doxorubicin/bolus cyclophosphamide/prednisone) and rituximab.

Yikes, that's a mouthful. Some are steroids and the rest are the actual chemotherapy drugs I get. Crazy huh?

And in my Googling I found out some interesting information! It is possible to get this type of chemotherapy outpatient. Basically, you get things done during the day at the clinic and then they send you home with a little backpack thing that has your pump and chemo in it so you don't have to stay in the hospital!

YAHOOOO! So the next chemotherapy treatment we are going to try the outpatient method. Which I am STOKED about. These hospital stays were starting to make me lose my mind. Really it is better for everyone.

Yesterday we tried to have a fun 'last day before chemo' afternoon so my mom and I took Adrian to see the Easter bunny in Green Bay. I love doing holiday stuff with that little guy- it makes me so happy. We also have a routine of finding those little photo booths and taking pictures. I think the one we got yesterday was excellent.

Next time we'll have to do dinosaurs. Those things are so cool. 

I brought some projects this time around to try to keep my hands busy so I don't go insane. I decided to try crocheting! I'm going to attempt to make Adrian a blanket. I'm not very domestic as far as crafts go so we'll see if it turns out actually looking like a blanket.

So far so good, not feeling too crappy yet just sleepy. Third treatment on the way and just three more to go! 

X-Ray Day!

Pretty much spent all day at the doctor today. Had my blood work and x-ray this morning and then my results appointment! My blood work is looking good and my white blood cells are back up to a normal range. 

I must admit I was totally all over the place nervous about this x-ray. Just having it done and waiting for the results brought back 'waiting' jitters from all the results we waited for before treatment. I'm sure that's typical- that waiting period sucks. Your brain goes in a million different directions! And especially since the first two 'waiting' periods were followed with 'tumor' and then 'cancer' it's hard not to be a little shaky.

But the good news is...... (drumroll)

THE TUMOR DOESN'T EVEN SHOW UP ON THE X-RAY!

Where is that little bastard? You can't even see it!! My doctor pretty much (but nothing is ever 'for sure') confirmed for me that I will be in that 97% cure rate. YAHOOOO! So all this chemo and hell has been worth it! My treatment is working great!!!

He said there are likely cancer cells/tumor ickiness remaining but an x-ray is not as detailed as a CT scan. We'll do a CT scan after the fourth treatment to get a better look at things. But so far, so good! I'm sure not complaining. So we'll continue the treatment as planned.

Since I like to take pictures- here's a nice before and after shot:

The one on the left is the one from today and the one on the right is the initial x-ray done at my primary doctor's office that started this whole adventure.

If you look closely- that shadow of stuff on the right is my heart and junk. The x-ray on the right has more stuff hanging around on the top. That's where the tumor was/is. 

Pretty spiffy. So it was a good results day! I'll just be happy when it's all completely over with (chemo sucks) but this is great news. 

So yes, things are going well and I will be JUST FINE. :)

Just in time to start my next treatment on Wednesday which I am DREADING. I decided to try crocheting to pass the time. We'll see if this works or if I just end up wacking someone with a crochet hook. I'll keep ya all posted. 

Today was a beautiful day!

Sorry for the lax updating kids. I had one badish day (yesterday) that was followed by a pretty awesome day today so that doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging.

Today was an exciting day. My sweet coworker, Emileigh, from UW-Manitowoc offered to do pictures of Adrian and I. They turned out really beautiful. Here are a few of them:

Thank you Emileigh for such beautiful pictures. It was especially nice to dress up and feel like my normal diva self and do something fun. And that wig really is awesome. It looks better than my real hair did! The pictures are fabulous- I'm so happy with them. She does great work- check out her facebook page!

The pictures are so sweet. They really capture how close Adrian and I are bonded to each other. They will be nice to look through when I'm in chemo this week. Can't believe it's already almost chemo time again. Go figure- right when I have a really good day like today and it's almost time to start feeling like junk again. 

But after this treatment we are half way there! And Monday we do the chest x-ray so that will be good. I can't help but be nervous for that. I know that logically my treatment plan is awesome- it's actually the result of some famous study by some well known oncologist. Ooo, scholarly. It's hard not to worry though. It's hard not to have that dark 'what if this isn't working?' thoughts. But we know it is. Have to stay strong! Having tests done is nerve wracking. I'm sure I'll be a wreck for that final PET scan. That whole 'hey go sit in the dark for an hour' beforehand doesn't help the stress level for those tests. But that's a ways down the road.

Yesterday we had a full day of errands to run so we were busy bees. But sadly, I started having all those weird dizzy issues towards the end of our shopping trip where I immediately have to sit down. That's sure inconvenient when you're out and about. Seriously inconvenient. There's not always a chair. You're in the middle of a store trying to hunt down toilet paper. It sucks. That's probably the side effect I hate the most. So at the coaxing of my mother to not be embarrassed I gave in and agreed to use the motorized scooter. 

And of course, yet again we had the stares. But even worse than that- right when I got on the scooter, some lady from the service desk in Shopko (the one in GB) came over and questioned me using the scooter. After informing her of my cancer, she didn't even look abashed but continued to eye me critically like I was some hooligan stealing the scooter for some shenanigans. 

Hey, I've had plenty of shenanigans in my life but seriously lady, I really needed that scooter.

Thanks for the embarrassment, Shopko service desk lady in Green Bay. That was just peachy.

I know I've said this before but I really wish people wouldn't judge without knowing the whole story. Sure, when I slap on some makeup to cover the dark circles under my eyes, put some jeans on, and cover my bald head with a wig I look pretty healthy. Doesn't mean that's the case. Oi vey.

But for every person that treats me in this manner there are ten times as many that are showing me tons of support and love. <3

Don't let the meanies get ya down.

That's all for now kids, love ya. 

The usual fluid post with some extra rants.

Ah, fluids. A nice little pick me up before the weekend so I'm feeling good. I love the Cancer Clinic in Two Rivers- they are just lovely. I always feel so relaxed and well taken care of when I'm getting fluids. And I have a shamrock shake!

                                     

I'm on spring break right now from school! I feel like I should be on a beach somewhere enjoying it. But if I think about it I've spent every spring break working anyways so really this is like a vacation. 

Next week we have some big things happening! Chext x-ray on Monday and we get the results on Tuesday! I've managed to connect with some non-hodgkins lymphompa survivors on the internet and many people said they saw their tumor shrink by a TON after their first two chemo treatments. So I am really stoked to see the progress. After the fourth chemo treatment (I just finished the second round) we will do a CAT scan to get a closer look. Next chemo treatment starts next week and after that we're half way there! 

They gave me my blood count report while I was here and it's looking a lot better so that's great. I don't have to be so paranoid if I go out in public this weekend. The germs! The germs!

Now there is something really ugly I want to address. I know I'm sharing quite a bit with the world on this blog about my cancer but I do keep other aspects of my life private.

So I won't give every gory detail about this. 

When something as horrible as cancer happens to you: you think that those that have hurt you in your life and that would try to do battle with you would back off in face of such a horrible thing. Cancer sucks. It's horrible and even though I will be FINE- it's not an easy road. I've lost my hair, I have to get my chest stabbed with a needle all the time, I live at the doctor's office, I have other icky side effects, and my whole life is on hold while I battle this disease. 

But some people just want to kick you while you're down. They want to take some joy out of your misery by seeing your illness as an oppourtunity to attempt to exercise their control issues.

Well, one thing you learn when you have cancer: everything else becomes a whole less intimidating. Nothing is more scary than cancer.

So even if someone is trying to kick while you're down you know that they don't stand a chance.

I mean really, what are horrible and evil people compared to cancer? Nothing is worse than cancer.

One good thing that cancer does is give you such a confidence about other troubles and stresses in life. No matter what you face it won't be as bad as cancer.

I'm beating this cancer and I can beat anything else life throws at me. 

This is the part where we play a cheesy Destiny Child's song. I don't know what is with me and the 90's music lately. Let's all just listen to boy bands and get along.

Honestly, aside from the cancer everything else is really going great. Adrian is excelling in school, I'm doing great in my classes, my cat is happy, and things are looking bright for the future. Just have to get over this speed bump.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone!

I'm not wearing green just for my Irish awesomeness but green for lymphoma awareness. So I have two things to wear green for today! 

Today was a decent day- those fluids really helped me yesterday! I think I need to make that a twice a week thing- I'm going to get more on Thursday. The nurses at the clinic say that I should go for it so I'm going to. I need to find something to drink that I can drink all day long. Water isn't working. Gatorade isn't working. Any suggestions kids? I'm trying tea now and that's not so bad. Or maybe I should try Kool-Aid haha. 

I got my short wig that I ordered at the Look Good, Feel Good class this week! Had it all trimmed up today at Salon 708 (Thanks, Michelle!) and it's looking pretty snazzy. I'm impressed that it's so cute. It's from the American Cancer Society TLC catalog and they tend to cater to older women. And it was dirt cheap. It's not as great of quality as my nice long haired wig but it looks decent enough for me. Trying to look at the upside of having no hair- I can wear different wigs all the time and have different hair styles!

I had another good day today which was amazing. To have two good days in a row is just brilliant. Having cancer makes you really appreciate life in a whole new light. Something as small as going to the park becomes on par with Disneyland. Being able to put on your makeup without taking breaks in between foundation, eyeliner, and eye shadow feels like you completed a marathon. Being able to drive (usually it takes me a day or two after chemo before I'm up for it) feels like you're being handed the keys of freedom. Every little thing becomes significantly more precious. The smile on my son's face. The rays of sun coming through the clouds. The smell of flowers on my kitchen table. The beauty I see every day in everyone's caring and supporting actions. 

Life is beautiful and it is precious. We only get one shot at it and we should make it count. At any second something could happen to change everything. You could get hit by a bus. You could get in a car accident. Your plane could crash. You could have a heart attack. 

You could get cancer.

So my cheesy corny (real cheddar, baby) piece of advice: enjoy your life. Every moment is precious when you're healthy. Don't ever take it for granted. I know I won't when this is all said and done. After I kick this cancer's ass (yes!) I will live every day to the fullest and appreciate my time on this earth. 

It's not like I didn't before. I really did enjoy my life. But I was completely oblivious to my own mortality. And let's face it. When you're young that is completely normal.

But just because you're young doesn't mean that you're immortal. 

Enjoy the sunshine loves. 

Dehydration: my big whoops.

Okay, I know, I know. I need to drink fluids. It's really, really hard to keep that up. I'm back at the cancer clinic today again getting pumped full of fluids. I was feeling like junk all weekend and since I was here for blood work I figured, why not? Well, good thing. My pulse was high which usually means dehydration. 

I'm trying kids. I really am. I have a water bottler with me nonstop. I've been having horrible mouth sores the past two days and I know that doesn't help. Mouth sores are just as horrible as they sound. Imagine someone taking sandpaper to the sides of your tongue and then you're left with the result. That's what it feels like. 

One more thing damaging the love of food. i could barely eat anything yesterday until I discovered popsicles. Then I ate like three of them. Popsicles rock. 

Today is a better day than yesterday though. Yesterday was rough. Between the mouth stores and the bone pain I was a wreck most of the day. Today is better- the mouth sores feel like they're settling down and are not as painful. 

And check out my awesome free scarf from the Good Wishes foundation! I love it- very snazzy and comfortable. It's good for keeping in my purse to do the swap for the wig when I come for my fluids.

Chemotherapy is just an ironic thing. It's saving your life but it's making you go through hell to do it. Why don't we have a better solution yet? (Big question)

I'm sorry guys if my blog posts have been short and not as daily but this second round of chemo has been a ball buster so I'm just trying to hang in there. Each day gets a little better and today isn't too bad of a day. I'd say it's half good and half bad. After the fluids I'm determined to get out of the house and try to do something somewhat fun. 

Chemo and the way it screws up your food relationships.

Phew, it's been a roller coaster the past few days. The extra fluids really helped and the dizziness is finally gone. Thank goodness. So I was able to make it to the St. Patty's Day parade yesterday and that made my day!

Kiddo was super happy and we had a good time. I felt pretty tired but I was able to sit through the whole thing without having any crazy side effects. I'm having a lot more nausea this time around which sucks! And my taste buds are slowly disintegrating.

You never realize how much tasting food is essential to feeling like a normal human being until you can't taste it anymore. I can't even taste taco dip now. TACO DIP. Things like this make you really evaluate your relationship with food as a comfort mechanism. Certain foods had different associations for me. Chocolate for when I'm sad. (Cliche, I know) Taco dip for when I just want to pig out. Pizza for family fun night. Coffee for a daily morning ritual. Coffee as a homework tool. Coffee as a soothing mechanism. 

Now all those associations are gone because things no longer taste the same. I can't even stomach coffee which is the most heart breaking thing. My entire morning ritual is changed. I no longer stumble towards the coffee machine in the morning and have that sense of relief when the first cup is brewed. Now I trudge towards the water bottle and there is no sense of relief with water. Water is boring. Sometimes I mix it up with orange juice but it might as well be water because I can't really taste it anyways. I no longer have that afternoon Starbucks pick me up. I could seriously cry a few tears over this. I read in my chemo books that coffee is usually one of the biggest things cancer patients don't want during chemo. Go figure- the one thing that would give us an energy boost!

I've replaced coffee with smoothies and so far that's been okay. My favorite so far is my own version of an Orange Julius. Here's the recipe because I like to share. And it's really easy.

One banana

Three scoops of frozen yogurt

A cup of strawberries (frozen or not)

A teaspoon of sugar

A cup of orange juice

And add more or less to taste. But it's delicious- give it a try! You could sneak spinach in there which is fine too because you don't even taste it. 

Chemo really takes a lot away from a person. You lose your hair, your taste buds, your fertility, your energy, and your entire body is just wigging out. But it's all about just trying to cope with each separate issue. At least that's what I do. Can't have coffee? I'll drink smoothies. Taco dip has no taste? I'll eat it anyways and pretend. Hot flashes? Buy a cute handheld fan. No hair? Get an awesome wig.

But seriously, back to these taste buds. I have found a trick for waking up your taste buds: SOUR CANDY. Anything sour works. Pickles are good. Sweetarts are good. My sour raspberry queasy pops are a godsend. 

PRO TIP: If you or someone you love is having chemo- BUY THEM THESE:

Actually, if you email the company they will send you a free sample. The sour raspberry pop was my hero this morning. I woke up with extreme nausea- the worst I've had yet. I thought I was going to throw up all my meds (including the med FOR the nausea) and eating one of those eliminated the entire 'puke' feeling. Check out their site here for a free sample!

So those are awesome. I found some on Amazon that are only the sour raspberry flavor and I ordered some. Can't wait until they come- I'm quite excited.

The only downside to the sour stuff? The mouth sores. Chemo causes your mouth to freak out in all sorts of ways. You get sores on the inside of your cheeks and roof of your mouth. They're not like gross, X-Files sores but just the skin gets red and it hurts. But sour stuff angers them. 

So you're at a crossroads. You want to taste something but do you want to piss off the mouth sores?

I just eat the sour stuff anyways and then gurgle with mouthwash. I've got to live a little. 

Do something for me kids, drink a Starbucks and eat some taco dip for me. 

Our relationship with food is complex and it is something that we rarely think about it. You never realize how comforting certain foods are to you once you can't have them or they don't taste the same. Food is such an essential part of our lives yet we rarely think twice about it.

Enjoy your food- don't take it for granted. I know when this chemo is over the first thing I'm going to do (once the taste buds return) is get a giant white chocolate mocha from Starbucks and a big tray of taco dip. 

Just waiting until that day.

Fluid Recharge 2x

     

Well, this is the first day I've felt suuuuuper shitty since this chemo round. Had a general appointment with the doctor and some blood work today so we decided to add some fluids to help perk me up. 

One thing I'm learning as I go through this: fluids are like your uppers. 

Get them. All the time. Get those fluids! It's like coffee for cancer patients. 

The dizziness today is huge. I feel like I'm floating but it's not a good floating. It's like you're in a yellow raft in the middle of the ocean. The ocean isn't made of water but pudding. So it's not a seasickness but a slow, gurgly wave. And this isn't an ocean filled with good pudding but a sucky one. Like that nasty Tapioca pudding that no one wants that's always left behind at the grocery store. 

Did that make sense? I don't know- probably not. I notice my optimism tends to be tied to how I'm feeling. Days that I feel like junk I tend to get more bummed out. But this cancer clinic is great- they've got me wrapped up in hot blankets and I'm pretty cozy. They even offered me soup! 

The nurses here are seriously wonderful. I always feel so taken care of when I'm here. It's hard for me to let people take care of me but here I find it easy to just lay back and let them do their thing. 

This will be a short blog post today since I'm feeling so junky. Let's hope tomorrow we have better luck and I'm feeling good enough to take Adrian to the St. Patty's Day parade! I want to take him soooo bad so I hope my body cooperates! Come on body, we got this! Recharge and feel better!

Fluid Recharge Day

It was time for some fluid recharge today and my white blood cell shot! Having cancer is like a full time job. By the time you're done with chemo you have to pick up prescriptions, get your blood drawn, get fluids, and meet with the doctor all over again. It's like a cancer doctor circle. But oh well, nothing better to do anyways since I can't work anymore.

But boy do I miss work. And normalcy. Sometimes I get reaaaally bummed about it when I think about what a 'normal' Monday, Tuesday, etc. would be like. I have to try not to dwell though. My online classes are going good- I'm keeping up very well considering the circumstances and pulling A's in the ones where the grades have come in. So that's awesome.

I do love the cancer clinic I go to. The nurses there are so wonderful and fuzzy. They bring you Dilly bars and hot blankets while you get your fluids- it's amazing. And (as pictured) I found another silky hat in the hat basket. Which made my day! I love silky hats because they feel the best on my angry scalp. I know I'm clashing a bit but we're keeping it real. I was wearing my wig today but that thing gets uncomfortable. We take that shit off at the cancer clinic and put on the clashing silky hat.

Yesterday I actually went to the store in jeans and my wig so I felt like a real person. I was so dizzy (duh, just got out of chemo that morning) so I couldn't walk without feeling like I was going to pass out. But I just wanted to get out of the house and be out in the world so we went for it. Plus I needed groceries. So I used the motorized chair after a lot of coaxing from my mother to swallow my pride and just use it.

Once you get over the initial embarrassment and sucking up your pride- it's not so bad. The stares I got were unbelievable though. One lesson for the world: do not judge a situation you know nothing about. I wasn't being one of those hooligans that abuse the motorized cart privilege. I was waiting for one of those people in the store glaring at me to say something so I could whip off my wig and show them my big bald egg. People these days. No manners. 

The insomnia I'm having is really getting old. I hope that quits soon. It's like my brain just won't shut off! It just whirls and whirls and whirls. So I just get up and start doing random cleaning. Which I should be resting but I'm not a good listener. I'm trying, guys. 

Today was half good and half bad. First half wasn't too shabby even though I didn't sleep but once I got that white blood cell shot the wicked bone pain kicked in. Hate that bone pain. But I'd rather have bone pain than vomiting so no big complaints here!

The beautiful weather is doing wonders for my morale- I hope it keeps up! Thanks to everyone for all the support (I can never 'thank' too many times)- it's been such a sunshine in this darkness. <3

Second round of chemo complete!

Well it's official, my second round of chemotherapy is complete!!

Wooooooooohooooooooo! Kill that tumor! Let's hope the side effects aren't too brutal this time around during recovery! It's a good morning!

Well, not altogether fabulous because I feel a little dizzy and shitty but hoping that improves throughout the day. I always feel best in the mornings though so guess I better not count on it. 

Met with my doctor during my treatment yesterday and he said that I only should have FOUR treatments left after this one! ONLY FOUR! I think my counting was off or his counting was off or something was off that I was thinking 5-6. So I should be done with treatments by June and then they will start the PET scan and if that's in the clear- they'll remove my port and I can move on with my life!

So just hoping with all my heart that this all goes to plan and we don't have any scary surprises. But that just put me over the moon. That made this grumpy cat into a happy cat:

Happy happy grumpy cat! I just have to remind myself to calm down and not get ahead of myself. Three-four months of treatment is still a long, long time. But it's so nice to know my doctor is so confident that the light at the end of the tunnel has a date and a time. Apparently my chemo regimen is designed after some famous cancer study by some oncologist he got to meet at his conference this weekend. Woohoo, famous cancer treatment. Hey, as long as it works I don't care where it's been published! 

Just have to stay optimistic. Four months isn't that long when you think of your lifetime. That's a small piece of cake. Very small. Barely a sliver. I can go do this. I can get through this. I can kick this cancer's ass that has dared to infringe on my family and my life. 

Tomorrow I go into the clinic for my white blood cell 'boost shot' and some preventative fluids. I'll be anxious to see if getting the fluids ahead of time prevents all the dizziness and dehydration I had last time. 

The weather is beautiful outside and I just hope that I will be able to enjoy it (from under my five pounds of sunscreen and a sun hat- chemo makes your skin not sun friendly) for a little while this week. I'm hoping and hoping that I feel up to taking Adrian to the St. Patrick's Day parade on Friday. I hope I feel up to it!! We missed it the past two years because of the bad weather!

That's all for now folks, I'm going to try to spend the day resting and not overdoing it. Tomorrow we get more shots and fluids and then no more doctors until my next appointment when they do the chest x-ray!

Day Five: Almost finished!!

Good morning my fellow blog readers! Today is an excellent today because it is THE LAST DAY OF MY CHEMO! Wooohooo! Tomorrow I am done and this is over with for another 20 days. Thank gawd. It is not in my genetic makeup to sit still every day for five days straight. So here's to (almost) freedom! And what a beautiful day it looks like it's going to be!

The weather is so wonderful outside just in time for my freedom! I hope the side effects this time aren't too brutal so I can enjoy the nice weather. I'm dying to be outside- I have spring fever in the worst way. This time we're taking a preventive measure and getting pumped full of fluids before I get dehydrated so hopefully that will make a BIG difference in how I feel this time around. So Wednesday I will go in and get a big ole bag of fluids. Let's hope that this recovery isn't too shabby due to that. 

Today the side effects are quite minimal so far. I slept like a baby (thanks to some sleep aids) and didn't have any of those weird hot/cold chills during the night. Definitely makes for a refreshed morning and a good mood. 

But who wouldn't be in a good mood to have another treatment cycle almost complete? Just 5 or 6 (I really need to ask because I'm not even sure) to go!!! I can't wait to put this all behind me. But it's a long road yet and I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. 

I was feeling decent yesterday as well so I was able to get unhooked from my pump and wander around for a little bit. Adrian and I were playing Jedi. 

I am the cancer killing Jedi. I should have brought my sword with me. Too bad this came out blurry- I'm using the Force to levitate that boat.

Can you tell I'm starting to lose my mind from boredom yet? I've done almost all my homework except a few assignments but I find it hard to concentrate here. My mind is just so edgy and restless.

So I guess I will just have to keep writing blog posts.

I notice it's way easier to have higher spirits at the tail end of the treatment cycle than beforehand. The first two days I was in here I was a super depressed panda. I might have to look ahead next time and find some way to prevent that. Either line up visitors round the clock or just try to remind myself to have a positive outlook.

One thing I've noticed about this chemotherapy is the crazy bloodhound nose. You would think all these cell killing chemicals would hurt my sense of smell but they enhance it! I can smell EVERYTHING. I'm especially sensitive to perfume or cologne. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can smell every single scent any of the nurses wear- even from the hallway. It's crazy. 

For some reason my perfume doesn't bother me but maybe that's because my nose is accustomed to it? Everyone else's makes me sick though- no idea why. I have to hold my breath every time a nurse comes in wearing perfume to check my vitals.

Well that's all for now. I'm feeling pretty bouncy (GET ME OUT OF HERE!) this morning so maybe I'll have more shenanigans for later. I'm going to get up, start my day, and run around my little chemo prison until I get some visitors. 

Can't wait for my number one guy to come visit me after 4K, of course. :)

Adrian with the puppy I bought him from the gift shop

Day Four: Sunshine and feeling good!

Hey kids, today is going much better. Yesterday was pure hell and today I woke up feeling refreshed and much more like myself. Which makes sitting here getting my chemo even more torture while the sun is shining outside. My view is gorgeous though. I mean look at this!

That is a gorgeous view. Trying to stay positive- at least I have that to look at while I'm sitting here getting pumped full of deadly chemicals. All the nurses have been really sweet so far so that's been lovely. Been having lots of visitors so switching to be closer to Manitowoc was a great decision. I think if I was up in GB I'd be going crazy. As it is I'm scaling the walls today. I want this treatment to be over with soooo bad. Trying to work on some homework today and get ahead of the game but I can't concentrate. So figured I would ramble along on here.

Since I was feeling a little more like myself felt like a sword selfie was in order.

Kicking some cancer ass! That is what I have to keep in mind as I'm dealing with all this side effects- the chemo is killing that tumor and that's what we want. It's just some small term suffering in the greater scheme of things. Today my outlook is much better where the past few days I was feeling a bit depressed. It's hard not to miss my life- my jobs, going up to campus, my hair, the way things were before this diagnosis. But I'm sure that's normal. Who wouldn't want to rewind until before they received such horrible news? But the bigger picture is to battle through and get through this so I can go on with my life. I can't let this ruin my dreams and ambitions. I am stronger than this cancer. 

Adrian has been such a doll when he comes to visits. He doesn't want to leave momma's side for a second. It was great having him with me yesterday when I was feeling so junky- he makes me feel so much better. He likes taking my IV for a walk around the halls. 

I know this is like the saddest picture ever in so many ways. But it's also such a sweet picture because it shows my lovely little boy taking care of his momma. He likes to pull my IV along- I think it makes him feel better that he's helping me. This has been so hard on everyone but it won't be forever! I will beat this and things will return to normal.

So not much else new to report- side effects are settling down today. No appetite at all which sucks but hoping that improves. I was able to choke down some breakfast and I'm going to attempt the same with lunch. Risa brought me some amazing looking cupcakes so I'm going to try to nibble on one of those- they look too delicious to resist so I'm going to try!

Just two more days to go!! Over halfway there!

Day Three: Nausea and Twitchy Legs!

Looks like chemo isn't being too kind to me. I was able to sleep all night and woke up feeling really good!

And then not shortly after that famous nausea kicked in. Woooohoooo. Been waiting for that to hit me hard and it did today. They pumped me full of some stomach meds and I started feeling better.

Until the weirdest side effect kicked in: twitchy, twitchy legs. How does that happen? Never heard of such a thing. That was mostly caused by one of the anti-nausea meds. It was the weirdest thing ever. Restless legs is the suckiest feeling, I hate it.

Then the side effect train is wrapped up by extreme fatigue which is what I'm battling now as I write this blog post.

Looks like this chemo session might not have too many fancy swords pictures. Bummer.

So I'm going to include a picture from the day we went to the Children's Hospital. I went on in a previous post about how I did want one last day to enjoy my hair and I did get it.

Adrian spent the day taking good care of his momma. Covering me up with tons of blankets and bossing the nurses around. He's such an awesome kid.

So again kids, short blog post. This might become a trend for the days I'm getting the actual chemo and I'll have to catch up on my awesome ones when I'm free!

Thank goodness I did all my homework for the week before chemo started!

I'll keep ya you all posted but so far things are plugging along.

Day Two: Insomnia

Sorry kids, we're going to have another short little blog post today. I don't know if it's the chemo, the steroids, or the hormone changes but I literally did NOT sleep a wink last night.

Everything else is going smooth but I'm super wiped out today. No pain but just super tired. Getting my treatments done at Two Rivers is great because now Adrian can come hang out with me during treatment all the time! Which is the best medicine ever. 

Nothing better than an icecream party! My kid makes the best faces. At least the hospital has good iceream. This chemo round feels a bit more rough on me this time around but maybe that's the zero sleep I had. I hope things will look up tomorrow. I did get to explore the hospital and was happy to see I have more room to roam. 

This is the pretty chapel room. Again, not religious but it's a great place with an awesome view to sit in. Adrian has fun running all over the place and all the nurses think he's down right adorable.

Duh, of course he is. 

Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day resting and hoping that I get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow I should have some fun chemo shenanigans to share. 

Loving all the support I'm getting from everybody- thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. Especially everyone at UW-Manitowoc right now- seriously, thank you all. <3

Day One: Rocky start but smooth sailing now

Day one of chemotherapy went off to a rocky start. Unfortunately had to deal with a super grumpy nurse. This is how I feel about grumpy nurses:

I'll match your grumpy all the way.

I'll spare the details but it was not a pleasant experience. One thing I'm learning as I go along this process: this is YOUR body and YOU call the shots. Don't let anyone push you around or let yourself be intimidated. You are your ultimate decision maker.

But that's all over and dealt with so I'm just enjoying some TV and my awesome lake view. All the nurses I have now are super sweet. I tried to spice up my chemo space and think I succeeded. It looks very chic around here. I need pleasant scenery while I'm having all this poison injected into my chest veins.

Duh

Varying levels of encouragement

 

This is my Adrian inspiration. 

So the area is looking way better than it did before. It's nice to have some pretty things around to keep the spirits up. I mentioned in the previous post how much that helped and it really does add some spirit to the room.

So far the chemotherapy is going well. No allergic reaction to the first drug (Rituxan) like I had the first time so that's pretty sweet. Just feeling very tired but that's probably because they doped me up with Benadryl just in case and hooked me up with a massage. The Rituxan is a jerk- it's the one that causes a lot of the tummy side effects. But it's telling the tumor cells to stop growing so we still like it.

Isn't my view awesome?

That is a gorgeous view. A small bonus. I'm bored already so I hope the rest of the day goes smoother. I might have to go do some laps with my IV thing. But I am loving being closer to home. The hospital isn't as nice as Baycare and doesn't have as many plush perks but it'll do. It's worth it so I can see this little face multiple times throughout the day: 

So far, so good. I'll keep everyone posted. I'm going to try to rest now and take a nice nap! Chemo makes me sleepy.

Back to the chemo party tomorrow!

Well, go figure. The day I start feeling like myself again and it's time to go back to chemotherapy.

One of the ladies at the cancer clinic said that's pretty typical.

That's making me dread the process even more. I feel like today is my last good day and then I'm subjected to at least another eleven days of feeling like crap. 

But that's how we kill the cancer. Have to keep reminding myself that. I was having some random paranoid thoughts last night (the whole "what if I'm going to be the scary 3% and not survive" type) and I told my doctor about it. Dr. Saphner being the awesome guy he is said that we can do a chest x-ray after this chemotherapy to see how much the tumor has shrank to help reassure me. YES. DIE TUMOR DIE. 

So that's sweet. Honestly I wish we could do an x-ray every time to see that baby dying but blah, blah radiation. But anyways, that's cool and I feel loads better. Having an awesome doctor through this process is really key.

But the new side effect we have isssss... (drumroll):

Horrible scalp pain.

See when my hair started falling out we buzzed it. Well, I had no idea your hair follicles would be so angry. I was in huge amounts of pain the past few days until today I finally couldn't take it and I had my mom shave my head. So now I really have an egg. The left over hair being yanked around by caps, scarves, or my wig was horribly painful. To the point of tears painful. Imagine someone poking you with tiny, tiny cactus needles on the top of your head. It was kinda like that. 

But ohhhhh, happy hair follicles. Now I can wear my wig with no pain!!! I mean, it still hurts a little but not all bad. 

Yaaaay for my beautiful wig! I feel like a normal person again! It's amazing how much hair is tied to our identity. It really is. Every time I've gone anywhere in my scarf I've had this whole underlining 'ugh, I'm bald' feeling. And it doesn't help that my scarves (no matter how gorgeous) mark me out as someone with cancer. I am beyond ecstatic to have my head feeling more normal to wear a wig. And plus it's way warmer. Wisconsin winter is not the place to be sportin' a bald head.

But I'm not going to bother with it at chemo. No point at all- that's the one place that my bald head is really part of the norm so I'll just sport my caps and scarves.

I'll keep you all updated during the chemo process this week. They are turning up the dosage so I'm curious and apprehensive to see how this impacts me this time around. Each chemotherapy session they will increase the dosage until I can't handle it anymore. That's literally the words they said. Nope, not intimidated at all... 

It's hard to be filled with witty comments the night before. To be honest, I'm just filled with dread. I finally feel normal and now I get to feel like crap all over again.

Gotta be strong though. And what's my main source of strength? 

This little guy right here. How can you not stay strong when you have this beautiful face looking up to you? I hate how this is putting a darkness on his childhood. One of my biggest priorities has always been making sure he has the most enriching and wonderful childhood I can give him. But this is teaching him strength and adversity when faced with an obstacle. And that's crucial. I hope he looks back on this and remembers how strong his momma was. Or he won't remember much except my egg head. Which is fine too. 

I can be strong for him. <3

Free Stuff For Cancer Patients! Sharing some resources!

In my post yesterday I mentioned that huge statistic.

The one where one in two men will get cancer. One in three women.

I've become aware this week at how many readers my blog has generated.

Now with statistics like that there's a good chance a fellow survivor (my self help books designate you as a survivor the instant you are diagnosed) will stumble upon this blog.

Or that one of you readers know someone (other than me) that has cancer.

Or will know someone that has cancer.

So on that note, I think it's super helpful to include all the wonderful things I have come across or I have been told about. We call these cancer perks. Cancer encouragement. Cancer freebies.

Utilize these. Enjoy them. We have to get something out of this rotten deal, right?

Your List of Awesome Cancer Perks

1. The Look Good Feel Better class hosted by the American Cancer Society.

This class was the best. I got a giant bag of designer makeup and a free wig. The ladies were super nice and I got to meet some other lovely ladies. Seriously, it's probably the best perk I've been offered so far. I look forward to doing my makeup every day now! Which is especially a perk now that my hair has taken an exit.

2. The Chemo Angel support network.

This is more a moral support and encouragement thing. I just signed up so I don't have a whole lot of insight yet on it. But it sounds great. Basically you are hooked up with a Chemo Angel and they send you little things in the mail to help keep your spirits up during treatment.

3. The Lydia Project

This organization will send you a tote bag filled with encouragement items and you can sign up for support notifications (similar to the Chemo Angel site) to receive while you go through treatment. The tote bag looks pretty cool so I'm excited to see what it's in it when it comes. 

4. Clean For A Reason

Now this is pretty sweet. This site checks to see if any cleaning companies in your area are partnered with them. If they are: you get a free cleaning service for part of your treatment! Woohoo! But sadly, the small little town of Manitowoc does not have anyone that participates in this. So no free maid for me. But maybe for you! So check!

5. Heavenly Hats

This foundation sends you a collection of free hats! You get to tell them what type of hats you are diggin' (baseball hat, beanie, ugly knit hat, silky hat, whatever) and they will send you some brand new hats. And they're based out of Wisconsin so that's neat.

6. Good Wishes Scarves

I am STOKED about this one and I will be haunting my mail waiting for this to come. The scarves on this website are gorgeous and you get one free scarf to cover that little egg of yours. And they are actually CUTE. I will have to post a picture of mine when it comes.

7. Free Hats for Chemo Patients

While this website is aimed at people with breast cancer- these hats are for any lady undergoing chemotherapy. And they're pretty funny. Baseball hats with a bald chick on them- what could be better? 

So here's a good start. There's plenty more out there. Breast cancer patients seem to get the best hookup which is fair. If you or someone you know gets diagnosed with breast cancer give 'breast cancer freebies' a Google and you will find TONS of awesome free stuff. 

These are mostly free things you get in the mail. I didn't even include all the financial/insurance assistance and travel help that is out there. Here's a nifty little page that lists some various ones. 

Just Google the crap out of free cancer stuff.

Get yourself some freebies, we deserve it.

Because believe me- I'd rather have my hair than a free scarf. 

But I do think Grumpy Cat is pulling off the scarf look quite nicely.