Recovery time!

Recovery has still been going smoothly since my last post. There's only a few major things I notice that aren't resolving themselves right away: I lost another eyelash (THE HORROR,) insomnia, dry skin, and puffy/bags under the eyes.

And sadly, we have a new side effect. Which I don't think is fair at all considering chemo is OVER. I'm starting to get all these horrible pains in my lower legs and feet. I've Googled (duh) and apparently that's pretty normal after chemo. It comes and goes. We went to see Thomas the Train at the GB train museum and towards the end of the day I was in so much pain from all the walking. I'm not big on taking pain killers- I never was during this whole treatment really so I'm trying to tough it out. I'll ask the nurses about it next time I go for blood work. Yes, we're still doing blood work. Monday should be my last day getting it! (At least until my three month checkup)

Saturday will be three weeks since chemo ended. Saturday is also my PET scan. I've talked before about scanxiety on here so I hope you're familiar with the term. Here's a helpful chart:

scans=anxiety=instant claustrophobia

Seems logical, right? I think cancer survivors get some PTSD from all this crap. And that's reasonable. Who could go through a scan without it reminding them of the initial diagnosis period? The PET scan takes two friggen hours which sucks. But at least it's one of the last steps to being done. I keep having nightmares about the whole thing so I really just can't wait until it's over.

And then we get to take my PORT out! WOOHOO! I've been told the procedure is way easier than it going in. I wonder if Dr. Dreamboat will get to do it. Hmmmm.

I'm going to be brave and share something I haven't shared too often.

I want to document the hair growth because I loveeee when I'm told my blog helps others with cancer so I want to keep the information train going. Let's see how long it takes!

Here's the starting point:

Baldy bald bald. There's a wee bit of stubble (can't see but feel) and we're at the three week mark. I'll post another picture once we have something noticeable. Let's see how long this takes! I've been told six weeks for it to start growing and mine is already growing so hopefully I'll have some fuzz by the six week mark.

On the opposite end of the spectrum I noticed when I pin back my blonde wig with bobby pins it looks like my hair did when I wore it up!

I look like me!!!! I can't even express how happy that made me. 

I'll update everyone on how my scan goes. I'd like to dig deeper into that scanxiety business. Now that I'm recovering my natural academic tendacies are whirling in my brain. I want to write a post about what parenting while having cancer is like too. 

Stay tuned- I'm not done writing yet!

Feeling good!

Sorry I did a vanish on everyone!!

After that last blog post I hit two days of pure feeling like crap, mouth sores, bone pain, HELL. And then on Sunday I woke up feeling like normal.

Maybe not totally normal but feeling BETTER.

And then by Monday, I was feeling even better than that.

And so on, and so on.

All my mouth sores are gone. My bone pain is gone. I stopped taking (YAY!) all my anti-nausea and pain medication. I now am officially only on vitamins. Which is thrilling for me. No pills for breakfast anymore!

I can tell that my energy level and muscles are still pretty weak. But I'm not letting that stop me. Yesterday we walked along the river, went for lunch and went to the water park. Just going to fling myself into the way I lived life before and I figure my body and muscles will catch up.

And I've already lost some of the weight I gained (or thought I gained- might have just been puffy from fluids!) which is sweet.

I bought some fancy scalp stuff at the salon to hep stimulate my hair follicles. I have some stubble but not much else. Doing everything I can to help the process along. From what I've read it can take 4-6 weeks so it probably won't be until July before I have any fuzz going on. I'll update the blog on that process.

But thank goodness my eyebrows remained intact through all this. I didn't lose all of my eyelashes but I did lose about half.

Still have to go for blood work twice a week until my PET scan next week. The PET scan is on the 20th and my results are on the 22nd. I'll be sure to update for that. And then we'll take my port out! WOOHOO!

My blog posts might become a bit less now. I have to work on packing (which we're halfway there!) enjoy the company of all my Manitowoc friends and family, and have a blast with Adrian to make up to him all those weeks of his mommy not feeling good.

So until this PET scan and final surgery I'm going to keep living life. I don't want to waste a single moment. <3

Trashy reality TV and more fluids...

Today is a better day- I'm still feeling icky BUT not as icky as yesterday. Day by day we're crawling to the finish line. I was able to sing Taylor Swift this morning to Adrian and mortify him so that is more back to our normal routine. Was able to do a few piggy back rides around the house without feeling too exhausted so that's another huge step.

My little boy has gone through so much the past few months. Seeing his mom battle cancer hasn't been fun. He's so happy to know that mom's hair is going to grow back, that she is going to be all 'fixed,' and that life will return to our normal routine. I've tried to shield him from most of this but he loves his momma and it's hard for him not to notice that things have been different. I told him my hair was going to grow back and now every day he checks my head to see the stubble (which there is some there!!!) and check the progress. 

My blood pressure has returned to normal today which I'm sure has something to do with the fact I'm feeling a bit better. Getting my bag of fluids before the weekend to help boost me. Nothing improves with dehydration. Or so they tell me. I've become addicted to Bravo reality TV shows this week. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 

The downside is that my mouth and tongue are covered in sores. It hurts pretty bad. Don't know what it looks like to have mouth sores? Don't worry. I've got you covered. Check out my tongue. 

See the whiteness of it? That's the sores. They look white. Part of it is a thrush (which until chemo I thought only babies got) and part of it is sores. 

And the irony of it all is all I crave right now is sour candy and pickles (sometimes chemo cravings are soooo similiar to pregnancy) and I can't have them.

I am managing to choke down other food though so no worries. Hopefully this will be my last week of fluids and then we just have to keep doing the blood work twice a week until my PET scan. 

After the PET scan we can take this damn port out. I hate this thing. I get the usage of it but I just want it out of my body!! 

Yucky side effects...

Well, now that the chemotherapy is over with it's time for the fun part: recovery.

I'm so happy that was my last round because at this point I'm feeling so sick I'm not sure I could have handled another round. I mean, I'm sure I could have but geez no thanks.

Six rounds of chemotherapy in my system at this point- no wonder I feel like garbage.

So far we've had every side effect amplified ten times over.

Mouth sores.

Fatigue. 

Nausea. 

Bone pain. 

Sores in the nose. 

Dizziness. 

I'm on my third round of fluids this week and I think I'll come back for more tomorrow. Might as well get as many as possible to wash this crap out of me. 

I've been on an antibiotic so that's good because this weekend is my 'nadir' point. Have to be careful I don't catch any infections. Hopefully by next week I will feel back to normal. 

So far we're in day five post-chemo. I have at least five more crappy days to go until I start feeling better. 

It will happen. It will get there. Day by day it will get easier. Right now it feels like a lifetime before I feel normal. 

Last time getting the Neulasta shot!

Ah, what a wonderful week of 'last' moments. Just had my last Neulasta shot at the hospital! I hate that shot- it stings and burns so it's pretty exciting for that to be the LAST one. Wooohoo!!

For those that don't know: the Neulasta shot boots my white blood cell production so that the chemo doesn't make me super prone to infetction. Even though it causes tons of bone pain (from all that bone marrow excitement) it's a pretty good thing to get. 

Since I'm here I'm getting a little boost of fluids and Zofran (anti-nausea) so that will tide me over until I get (more- yeesh) fluids tomorrow. 

The skin around my eyes is all ouchy (you might be able to see how red it is in this picture) but I'm trying to be good and not rub it. Lost another few eyelashes today- found them floating around in my eyeball so that was sad and painful. BUT they'll come back. Thank the lucky stars that my eyebrows are still hanging out. I willl tell ya, I won't miss not having leg hair but oh well. That can take its time growing back. 

I'm just excited to get all this friggen tape off my chest from holding the needle in place!! After the fluids are done I'm going to tell them to get this darn needle out of me so I can roll around and take a bath and just feel awesome. 

I'm not feeling too junky yet so I'm really, really hoping I won't be too sick after this round. Maybe knowing that once I feel better I'll STAY better will help. Mind over matter? Hey, I can try.

The mouth sores are already starting though so that's a bummer. I'm trying to eat everything I can before they get too bad. 

So that's all- one more FINAL moment to check off the list. This next week will be a lot of blood work and fluids. Then the week after that more blood work and then the PET scan! 

Wooo, wooo, wooo! 

Day Five and LAST DAY OF CHEMOTHERAPY!

I am so stoked to be sharing this news with y'all. Today is my LAST AND FINAL DAY OF CHEMOTHERAPY.

Yes. The last day. The last horrah. After this day I can eagerly wait for my body to return back to normal. 

So exciting! 

I'm all checked into the hospital (since the chemo clinic is closed on Saturdays that's why my last infusion will take place here) and I'm just waiting for them to start things up.

I had about two hours left in my big portable chemo bag when we got here so had to finish that and they will run a big bag of fluids along with that and once that's done they will give my pre-meds (Zofran and hydrocortisone) and run the FINAL bag of Cytoxan. Yes. The final one. I can't stop saying it- it's so exciting!

In honor of the occasion I brought Grumpy Cat with me.

Grumpy cat has been here since the beginning so it's only fit he's here for the end result. I also got a lovely picture with Sue, one of the hospital nurses, that has been amazing throughout the times I got chemotherapy in the hospital. 

I'm bummed I didn't get a picture with Nancy (I'll have to come visit sometime Nancy so we can get that picture!) so we'll have to do that another time. Hopefully on happy, healthy terms when I just pop in for a visit. :)

As I'm writing this (I took a break in between) I'm getting my last infusion of chemo-the Cytoxan. This thing is always a little bastard but it's nice to know it's the last time I'll have to get it! It always makes me feel really head rushed. 

But horrah for FINAL CHEMO DAY. Risa brought treats and we did some fun selfies. So enjoy our amazing camera results:

Cancer slayer!

Cheers!!

Take that cancer!

Cancer kicking ass cookies!

So that's it. The final and sixth round is done. Done, done, done. I know I'm going to feel like crap this next week but at least I know when I start feeling better I will STAY feeling better. My hair will start growing back. My eyelashes. I can get my port removed. Oh, all the happy things. I'll keep everyone posted on this post-chemo recovery, results, port removal, and survival recovery. So don't worry, I'll keep writing. I'm not done yet. :)

But you know what I am done with? CHEMO!!! 

YAHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Day Four: Last day getting chemo in the chemo clinic!

Well, today we are on day four. This is my last day getting chemo at the chemo clinic. I'll be here next week, of course, for tons of fluids/blood work and the whole deal. But this is my last day getting CHEMO here. Which is pretty special. The nurses at this clinic have been amazing. I can't even begin to express how wonderful they are. Here is a lovely 'last chemo' picture with all of us together:

Gretchen, Eddie, Mary, Kelly, and Sue (and me!)
Last day of in-clinic chemotherapy- 5-29-15

They are some awesome ladies. Doctors may give the orders but it's the nurses that work with you every day, hear your story, listen to your problems, and care for you on a one on one basis. That is something that you never forget when you go through something like this.

So I want to thank all of these lovely ladies for taking such good care of me as I've gone through treatment. From the first time I came in and Sue talked to me with such consideration and empathy about the details of my hair loss to this last week when I asked Gretchen the tough questions about the possible loss of my fertility: thanks ladies for being such a wealth of information and support. 

I'm getting a little emotional here. 

As far as side effects go we're not having anything too rough just yet. A little bit of morning nausea again but that is settling down a little bit. The fatigue is setting in but that's about normal this far into the treatment. Tomorrow is the last day and I am FREE from having these drugs injected into me. That will all be finished up at the hospital so I will have to see if I can track down my favorite nurses there for a picture as well. I don't want to forget the medical staff that have helped me through this with such empathy and care. 

It's hard to believe this is almost all over with. When this all started in February it was hard to believe that it was all going to be okay. It was a struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now that the light is just a few weeks around the corner: I am blinded by it. And that's a good thing. 

My biggest goal for myself is not to dwell on this but move past it. To not dwell on the fact that it may take a YEAR to know if my cycles are going to return and if I can have more kids. To not dwell on the fact that the chemo might take a toll on my body that I won't see until I hit old age. To not dwell on the fact that mortality is such a fragile concept. But to live. 

And living is such a wonderful thing. Yesterday we enjoyed the nice weather and had some ice cream and park time. Even though I was feeling a bit crummy, seeing my little boy so happy is the catalyst to my happiness. <3