Well, this blog is not nearly getting as much devotion as it once did.
In reality, this blog has actually become pretty triggering for me. I might have to start a new one.
Sometimes if I come on here I end up scrolling all the way back to February and rereading my initial testing posts. Which is nearly as bad as when I end up looking at pictures of my hair on Facebook. So let's try to not do those things.
I think a post was needed in order to recognize one important thing: it has been six months since chemotherapy ended.
And physically I'm feeling pretty good! The neuropathy has improved greatly. The fatigue is improving but some days it is still pretty intense. Mornings seem to be the hardest time of day for me on that ball game. Still in chemo induced menopause which sucks. Hair still short but growing rapidly.
It's long enough now I can put hairspray on it. So here's the hair picture at 6 months and 3 weeks (ish) since chemotherapy.
Wow! I have official hair! It's growing back super thick which is awesome. It's exactly the same texture and color as it was before I lost it. So no, my hair is not coming back curly. It's funny how that's told to you when you're bald as shit like it's some consolation prize. Oh hey, but it might come back curly! I really didn't give a rats ass what texture it was at that point- any texture would be better than nothing because it would have meant having HAIR. Any hair at all will do.
It's growing super fast. So let's hope it keeps growing at this rate. I try not to think of how long it will take before it's as long as it was before. But at least I have hair.
One thing that I've found that has been helping me immensely is something I never thought I would endorse.
Exercise.
Yes, I have been exercising. I'm just as shocked as you are. And not just the usual twice a week physical therapy stuff but actual exercise. I've been noticing that it's helping immensely with the P.T.S.D. issues. Which is fabulous. Considering that shit comes out of nowhere. I was digging around in my closet earlier and found all my chemo scarves. I felt like a sledgehammer punched me in the chest and I had to just stare at them for a few minutes. It just sneaks up on you. Or how I can't listen to the Taylor Swift 1989 album without being reminded of driving to chemo and listening to it. Or how I had to hide all the lotion (the expensive stuff too which sucks!) that I used during chemo because it sends me 'hospital' vibes when I smell it. Exercise is helping me combat all those random twitches. This morning Taylor Swift totally blindsided me with bad memories by association so I did some cardio and I felt great. So really, go cardio.
As I get closer to some triggering dates, it seems like a good course of action to try to plan for how I will deal.
January 23rd- the day I got a phone call in the middle of Target saying, "Oh hey, you have a giant mass of cells the size of a fist sitting next to your heart."
February 3rd- the day I got my biopsy results, "Oh hey, have some cancer! That mass of cells is a big ole lymphoma tumor."
Well, that's not how they told me but that's how I heard it.
Breathe.
I wonder how other people deal with their cancer anniversaries. Do you wallow in triggers and cry? Deal with those emotions? Repress them? Say screw emotions and go have a wicked fun day?
I'm opting for wicked fun. Why wallow in shitty stuff that's happened already?
Moral of the story: don't wallow in shitty stuff and exercise instead.
On a side note, I know many of my lovely nurses still read my blog. So this is directed right at you: I will be back in Manitowoc for a few days later this month starting December 30th! I would love to come to the clinic and the hospital and say hi! Just a heads up that I might appear out of nowhere to hug you all!
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