Last time getting the Neulasta shot!

Ah, what a wonderful week of 'last' moments. Just had my last Neulasta shot at the hospital! I hate that shot- it stings and burns so it's pretty exciting for that to be the LAST one. Wooohoo!!

For those that don't know: the Neulasta shot boots my white blood cell production so that the chemo doesn't make me super prone to infetction. Even though it causes tons of bone pain (from all that bone marrow excitement) it's a pretty good thing to get. 

Since I'm here I'm getting a little boost of fluids and Zofran (anti-nausea) so that will tide me over until I get (more- yeesh) fluids tomorrow. 

The skin around my eyes is all ouchy (you might be able to see how red it is in this picture) but I'm trying to be good and not rub it. Lost another few eyelashes today- found them floating around in my eyeball so that was sad and painful. BUT they'll come back. Thank the lucky stars that my eyebrows are still hanging out. I willl tell ya, I won't miss not having leg hair but oh well. That can take its time growing back. 

I'm just excited to get all this friggen tape off my chest from holding the needle in place!! After the fluids are done I'm going to tell them to get this darn needle out of me so I can roll around and take a bath and just feel awesome. 

I'm not feeling too junky yet so I'm really, really hoping I won't be too sick after this round. Maybe knowing that once I feel better I'll STAY better will help. Mind over matter? Hey, I can try.

The mouth sores are already starting though so that's a bummer. I'm trying to eat everything I can before they get too bad. 

So that's all- one more FINAL moment to check off the list. This next week will be a lot of blood work and fluids. Then the week after that more blood work and then the PET scan! 

Wooo, wooo, wooo! 

Day Five and LAST DAY OF CHEMOTHERAPY!

I am so stoked to be sharing this news with y'all. Today is my LAST AND FINAL DAY OF CHEMOTHERAPY.

Yes. The last day. The last horrah. After this day I can eagerly wait for my body to return back to normal. 

So exciting! 

I'm all checked into the hospital (since the chemo clinic is closed on Saturdays that's why my last infusion will take place here) and I'm just waiting for them to start things up.

I had about two hours left in my big portable chemo bag when we got here so had to finish that and they will run a big bag of fluids along with that and once that's done they will give my pre-meds (Zofran and hydrocortisone) and run the FINAL bag of Cytoxan. Yes. The final one. I can't stop saying it- it's so exciting!

In honor of the occasion I brought Grumpy Cat with me.

Grumpy cat has been here since the beginning so it's only fit he's here for the end result. I also got a lovely picture with Sue, one of the hospital nurses, that has been amazing throughout the times I got chemotherapy in the hospital. 

I'm bummed I didn't get a picture with Nancy (I'll have to come visit sometime Nancy so we can get that picture!) so we'll have to do that another time. Hopefully on happy, healthy terms when I just pop in for a visit. :)

As I'm writing this (I took a break in between) I'm getting my last infusion of chemo-the Cytoxan. This thing is always a little bastard but it's nice to know it's the last time I'll have to get it! It always makes me feel really head rushed. 

But horrah for FINAL CHEMO DAY. Risa brought treats and we did some fun selfies. So enjoy our amazing camera results:

Cancer slayer!

Cheers!!

Take that cancer!

Cancer kicking ass cookies!

So that's it. The final and sixth round is done. Done, done, done. I know I'm going to feel like crap this next week but at least I know when I start feeling better I will STAY feeling better. My hair will start growing back. My eyelashes. I can get my port removed. Oh, all the happy things. I'll keep everyone posted on this post-chemo recovery, results, port removal, and survival recovery. So don't worry, I'll keep writing. I'm not done yet. :)

But you know what I am done with? CHEMO!!! 

YAHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Day Four: Last day getting chemo in the chemo clinic!

Well, today we are on day four. This is my last day getting chemo at the chemo clinic. I'll be here next week, of course, for tons of fluids/blood work and the whole deal. But this is my last day getting CHEMO here. Which is pretty special. The nurses at this clinic have been amazing. I can't even begin to express how wonderful they are. Here is a lovely 'last chemo' picture with all of us together:

Gretchen, Eddie, Mary, Kelly, and Sue (and me!)
Last day of in-clinic chemotherapy- 5-29-15

They are some awesome ladies. Doctors may give the orders but it's the nurses that work with you every day, hear your story, listen to your problems, and care for you on a one on one basis. That is something that you never forget when you go through something like this.

So I want to thank all of these lovely ladies for taking such good care of me as I've gone through treatment. From the first time I came in and Sue talked to me with such consideration and empathy about the details of my hair loss to this last week when I asked Gretchen the tough questions about the possible loss of my fertility: thanks ladies for being such a wealth of information and support. 

I'm getting a little emotional here. 

As far as side effects go we're not having anything too rough just yet. A little bit of morning nausea again but that is settling down a little bit. The fatigue is setting in but that's about normal this far into the treatment. Tomorrow is the last day and I am FREE from having these drugs injected into me. That will all be finished up at the hospital so I will have to see if I can track down my favorite nurses there for a picture as well. I don't want to forget the medical staff that have helped me through this with such empathy and care. 

It's hard to believe this is almost all over with. When this all started in February it was hard to believe that it was all going to be okay. It was a struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now that the light is just a few weeks around the corner: I am blinded by it. And that's a good thing. 

My biggest goal for myself is not to dwell on this but move past it. To not dwell on the fact that it may take a YEAR to know if my cycles are going to return and if I can have more kids. To not dwell on the fact that the chemo might take a toll on my body that I won't see until I hit old age. To not dwell on the fact that mortality is such a fragile concept. But to live. 

And living is such a wonderful thing. Yesterday we enjoyed the nice weather and had some ice cream and park time. Even though I was feeling a bit crummy, seeing my little boy so happy is the catalyst to my happiness. <3

Day Three!

Day three is going smoothly so far. A little bit of nausea when I woke up but once I took my steroids I was good to go. Energy levels are starting to dip a little bit but overall they're not too bad yet. The nice weather definitely helps to make me want to stay active.

At the clinic getting my usual bag of fluids, pre-meds, and pump refuel. That usually takes about three hours and then I'm on my way! And the view is extra pretty today.

The skin around my eyes has been so angry. I hope that means more eyelashes aren't going to fall out. My eyes just burn and ache. They're all puffy in the morning and purple underneath. I have my fancy pants eye treatment I got from the Look Good, Feel Good class and that does wonders. And makeup- thank god for makeup. 

See? You can't even tell. 

It must be from the chemo because my skin was starting to improve and once the chemo started it was all purple and angry all over again. 

Booo, chemo. 

Having some chest congestion so they're going to slap me on an antibiotic just to be on the safe side. We don't want any infections when we're this close to the finish line.

Maybe it's just all those years of smoking coming out of my chest still- who knows.

But at least smoking DID NOT cause this. That's a small comfort that I didn't bring this on myself in any way. It was just a random, you have shitty luck, cancer. 

I think the fact we're moving so close after my treatment done is a good thing. It's going to help me be able to move on and try to forget about this battle.

Not that I will ever forget.

But I will have to learn to focus on the future and not live in fear. Fear that it will return. Fear that the chemo will have long term side effects. Fear that I will get some other type of cancer. Fear of mortality.

You just have to live. Every day is a privilege. Every moment is something to not take for granted. 

Day One and two of my LAST treatment!

Yesterday was day one of my sixth and FINAL treatment!!!

It started off good. My bloodwork was great, all my side effects were gone from the fifth treatment, and the first clinic infusion went smoothly. No allergic reactions and no issues. We started the pump in the afternoon and I was sent on my way.

Day One!

Now we're on day two and still not feeling too bad. A little tired but so far not having any nausea which is amazing. Thank goodness for steroids- they really do wonders for settling your stomach.

So now the next few days I will get my bag of fluids at the clinic, anti-nausea IV, and they'll change my pump. Saturday I will have my last dosage in the hospital so that will be a longer day. But Saturday is also the LAST day. They will unhook me from the chemo bag and that will be my final treatment! I am so excited to have this all done with. This week is going to go so slow just because I want it to be over with so bad. Sunday I will get the bone marrow shot (hate that thing) and fluids and then it will just be a week to recover so I can bounce back to normal.

Hey, last time to get that bone marrow shot I hate so much too. :D

I'm dreading the side effects but at least I know this is the last time I'm going to feel like this. And then I can recover, I can lose the weight the steroids made me gain (stupid steroids,) my hair will grow back, and my life can resume as scheduled. 

Almost there, almost there, almost there!!

Day Two!

My PET scan is scheduled for June 20th. I am so stoked to get that done with. I have a feeling this PET scan will be a happier one than the initial one. I still hate how you have to lay in the dark before you go in the scanner- yuck. I better bring grumpy cat with me for old times sake. I'll get the results of that on June 22nd and then that week I will get my port out up at Baycare as long as the results are good. Which they will be since the CAT scan showed no cancer. He didn't even think we needed to do a PET scan after this last treatment but I want to be 100% reassured. Cancer's a little scary. (Duh)

And I will officially be done! Even though I'm technically in remission none of it feels real until this chemo is done and that port is out of me.

Funny story: my oncologist asked me what the surgeon's name was that put my port in and I totally blanked because of all the hunk jokes I made on this blog. All I could think of was- Dr. Biceps? Dr. Hot Pants? Dr. Bedroom Eyes? Dr. McLovin? 

It's probably less awkward that I just told him I couldn't remember. Because I honestly can't remember his real name! haha. Apparently the surgeon that put your port in has to be the one that takes it out. That's fine with me though- I'd rather have it done up at Baycare. It's farmiliar since I had all my surgery/biopsy stuff done there ayways. And thank goodness they keep records because apparently I can't remember anyone's name half the time. 

And just because I haven't shared a gross picture in awhile- this is what it looks like when my port is accessed. Of course, you can't see any of the good stuff because of the tape. There's a big ole needle under that five pounds of tape and wrappings. The tape hurts more than the needle. Seriously. I have to have it taped on my tummy too so I don't accidently stand up without my chemo bag (which I do a lot) and rip it out. 

Yuck. Can't wait to have a break from needle pokes in the chest.

I've had the greatest support system through all this- I can't thank my family, friends, school community, and nurses enough. <3 Like the bracelets say that UW-Manitowoc student senate made for me: "No one fights alone." 

The end stretch!

The past few days have been good and I've been feeling really good! Been spending every minute I can running around enjoying having an awesome energy level.

Blah, blah- I should rest.

I've never been good at resting.

Usually at the end of the day I'm pretty wiped out. I've been going to bed at the same time as Adrian for quite awhile now. I can't wait to stay up late again but now I just can't do it!

Lost a few top eyelashes today. The rest are hanging strong. The skin around my eyes is burning and super ouchy so I don't know if that's because of the eyelashes falling out? My face is just pissed? I still have a lot left so hoping they stay. Please troops, please. We're almost there. 

Thank you to those that have sent me graduation cards- I appreciate it so much! 

Today I met with my oncologist homeboy (can I call him that?) and that went well. My blood counts are great so that means we are a go ahead to start my LAST TREATMENT on Tuesday.

Which I am dreading. Absolutely dreading it. I know it's the last one and after that it's OVER. But I also know I'm going to feel like junk that week afterwards so it's hard to be like 'oh yay, chemo!'

I posted this on Facebook right after I was diagnosed so it's fitting to post it again now.

Oh, John. He's always got the best advice. Don't judge my John Wayne admiration. He's the coolest.

I think these last two rounds have been so hard because I know that the cancer is gone and I just want to be done. It was easier when it was still there. If that makes sense. But this treatment plan is so successful because it's six rounds so we have to stick to the plan. 

I better take advantage of the return of my taste buds now and gorge myself on food the next four days. Mmmmm, food. 

Today at my appointment we talked 'survivor' talk which is exciting. After this last round on Tuesday we'll do the PET scan (even though the CAT scan was fabulous we still have to check- just in case) and then take my port out. After that I will just need some type of x-ray/scan and blood work every three months to keep an eye on things. 

And thank goodness, he said that getting the port removed is WAY less painful than getting it put back in. I'm not sure if you kids remember my earlier blog posts about how much that sucked but scroll back and take a look- yikes. So that's relieving. I wonder if I'll have Dr. Biceps for my port removal again at Baycare. :D :D :D

I really hope that guy never reads my blog because honestly I'm just having fun with nicknames at this point.

So deep breaths. Almost there. Going to make the most out of the next four days and then Tuesday the fun starts. I can't wait to feel totally normal again. No port. No chemo. No fluids. And then I can move on to the next step in our lives. Colorado, graduate school, teaching, kindergarten, mountains. All the good things are coming.

And geez guys, my hair will start growing back. :) 

But gosh... I do love this short blonde wig. I might have to take up this hairstyle when my OWN blonde hair returns. 

Fluids, fluids, fluids!

We might have to roll me up to the stage on Saturday to get my degree. I'm going to be so pumped full of fluids! My blood pressure is still extremely low though which is a sign I need them anyways. So might as well get as many bags of them as I can.

Having a good day today which is great because I have a mani/pedi scheduled later. I need to have pretty nails for graduation! And I can finally use that pedi gift certificate my dear Alicia gave me for my birthday. ;) Only took me three months!!

A nice cozy morning at the clinic so far. Warm blankets, sweet nurses, and a donut. 

And it's much more enjoyable being here when I don't have to work on homework either. I can really kick back and relax. I submitted my last final yesterday so I am FINALLY done. I am officially done with everything for my Bachelor's degree!! It seems unreal to me. I have worked so hard for so long towards this moment. I should have all A's in my courses too. Just a little humblebragging. Cancer? Psshhh, I'm still gonna rock my awesome GPA.

I decorated my cap last night which is looking pretty diva and snazzy. 

I love that poem and I have thought of it many times since my daignosis. So I felt it was only fitting to squeeze part of it on there. So we have poetry, bling, survivor status (bam!,) and teaching. It all fits pretty good. 

Since today I'm feeling better I'm hoping that continues to improve for Saturday. I want to feel good when I walk up on that stage and get my degree. I have put my blood, sweat, and tears into this degree. This last semester has been by far the hardest hurdle and I have overcome it. 

As far as side effects go.... the nasuea has been the strongest. And my taste buds have been decimated. They just don't exist anymore. I hope they come back. I miss food! But no mouth sores as of right now so let's hope it stays that way. I'll take everything else over those.

I can't feel my hands!

Well, this has been the weirdest side effect so far. It's not really painful but more uncomfortable. My hands and legs are all numb and tingling. I googled it (of course) and it's called neuropathy. It should be temporary so that's good. But it makes it really, really hard to type.

Which is highly inconvenient because I have one more final sitting on my desk that needs to be done.

It's hard to describe. It's like when your arm falls asleep after you've been laying on it. But with minimal pins and needles and more of an overall numb feeling.

It really sucks. It was so hard to put my makeup on this morning.

So far the side effects have been kinda brutal. Just so tired, weak, dizzy, and overall "bleh." Extreme nausea through the night last night. I'm feeling better the more I move around so let's hope that improves.

Here's a lovely picture from the hospital Sunday I forgot to upload. I think it's important to document Adrian's journey through this battle as well because he's been a trooper through all of this.

Mother's Day at the hospital. We made the best of it. :)

Mother's Day 2015

Look at that little face. All the nurses love him. What's not to love? 

Going to get pumped up with some fluids today- let's hope that does the trick for graduation this weekend!! We're going to fresh up my long wig today so it's looking nice and perky. Unless I should wear my new blonde one?

Oooo la la. Hey there peeps. ;)

I LOVE this new wig. Oh, so in love. It's so comfortable and light. This might have to be the winner for graduation. 

Otherwise trying to hang in there. It's hard to stay upbeat when I feel so crummy. At least the sun is shining today and I'm going to go to the clinic and get fluids so hopefully I'll feel better after.

So come on body- hang in there and  recover for Saturday!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all my readers out there!

And a big Happy Mother's Day to my number one reader: my mother! She has been my rock during this cancer diagnosis and has been there every step of the way. Thank you mom- I couldn't have done this without you.

We had an eventful day yesterday. It was my LAST day of my fifth treatment of chemotherapy. We finished off the pump (with my three drug cocktail) around mid afternoon and had the finishing touch of Cytoxan. That Cytoxan sucks- it always makes me feel like junk after. But at the bright side- that is one more treatment down!

Fifth treatment down and just one more to go!

Before we went to the hospital we stopped at the Pink Heals birthday celebration in Two Rivers. They are that wonderful organization (that many of you should think of volunteering or donating if you ever have the time- they are great) that helped me out with some bills a month or so ago. I got to sign the firetruck (Colton,) Adrian got balloon animals, and he got to see the pink firefighters. It's nice to have such great organizations and levels of support when you're going through cancer.

Today has been a great Mother's Day so far. We went out for brunch with my brother. Adrian got me some incredible gifts- home made plant from 4K, card, a fuschia plant, and a beautiful necklace. Thanks Grandma for taking him shopping to spoil his momma. Here's his handmade card, how adorable is this?

I'm sure if I actually weighed 18lbs we'd have a problem but I'm suprised he got my age right! What a sweetheart.

The side effects have been a bit rough today which is a bummer considering it's a holiday. But I battle through and you learn to cope. There's always the list of side effects to go through after treatment. The dizziness, the naseua, the bone pain, the mouth sores. Just down the list. But at least I know what to expect. Just one more treatment to go!

And since it's Mother's Day, I just want to say I don't know if I could have done this battle as strongly if I weren't a mom. Every time I've felt scared, helpless, or was in so much pain I always think of Adrian and how I have to be strong for him. It always gets me through. Being a mom has made me such a strong person. <3

Day Three!

Outpatient chemo is great- it makes it hard to keep up with daily chemo blogs though!

Everything is going good so far. Day two was pretty rough because I forgot to take my steroids! And steroids apparently make a huge difference in how you feel. I was sooo nauseated all day until I took them. Won't be making that mistake again. 

Lost a few eyelashes today. Just a couple of them. Gave the rest a good yank and they felt fine. Hang in there lashes- we're almost there! 

Chemotherapy is way better when you're at home. Thank you chemo bag!

Pretty nifty contraption. We went to a park today, out to eat for my brother'a birthday (Happy Birthday Rod!), grocery shopping... Everything can continue as normal.

Time is going fast- Saturday will be here before I know it and that's one treatment down!

Everyone should have chemo outside. So rejuvenating! Well, except for the giant sunburn on my face. I'll be getting a big 'I told you so' if my doctor sees that. 

CT Scan

Well here it is!! The image from the CT scan!

See that where the mouse cursor is?

Yup, I don't see anything either.

NO MORE TUMOR. After just four treatments it is completely gone!!!

Talk about some fast acting chemotherapy. Guess that's why they pump you full of it. This type of treatment has a high success rate so this is no surprise. But it's still awesome to see. I was so overcome by all these emotions (all these weird FEELS) when they showed me this I just cried. I'm not a crier either. I didn't even cry when I was diagnosed. This horrible thing that has invaded my life is GONE.

Just for funsies here is a picture of what it looked like before (from a different angle):

Cya you little malignant jerk! 

BUT we still have two more treatments to go. He's turning the dose down on this next one so we don't have more needed blood transfusions again. This type of chemotherapy treamtent calls for six rounds so we have to do them all. There could be one little cancer cell lurking around and we don't want to have any recurrences.

Sucks because it's almost going to be harder going through these next two considering I know the tumor is gone. Was hoping for a 'okay you're all done!' but just have to hang in there. Less than a month until my LAST chemo treatment which is good.

So here we go on round five tomorrow morning! At least no more hospital- just outpatient chemo for me! I'll go get my first dose, my premeds, and off to home I go with my nifty pump. 

And everyone cross their fingers for me that I don't get the mouth sores too soon.