Port Removal Surgery!!

I'm going to be honest on this one: I was extremely nervous to have this done. I had way more time to think about this than I did for the beginning surgeries and biopsies so I think I built it up to be a bigger deal in my head. By the time I got into the hospital room I was shaking.

But really, it's just a simple procedure (so they say) so it can be done in the clinic with regular ole freezing shots.

Let me tell ya, I'd rather have the drugs in the outpatient surgery- those freezing shots hurt like hell. But maybe that's because I was getting them in the boob and neck area?! Yes, the boob. Glad no one told me that before hand!

They started off by bringing me into the room and then I was left alone in there for a few minutes before it all started. You know what that means right? Hospital selfies!

The room looked like a regular ole clinic room with a surgery table. No big deal.

The biggest downside to having those few minutes alone is you have way too much time to see this terrifying table of torture:

Yikes. I just snapped a picture of it and then didn't look too long. I was already nervous enough. My imagination was conjuring all these images of my veins coming out like spaghetti when they pulled the port out and feeling the incision and so on and so on. Oi vey. I said this in my earlier posts: there's no sense in pretending that you don't get scared when this stuff happens. That's not true. We can be fighters, we can be brave, we can be tough, we can take on the largest amounts of pain- but that doesn't mean we don't feel fear. The fear is half of what makes cancer patients fighters. We barrel on in the face of paralyzing fear because we know that in a battle the fear is half the fight.

I took one last picture of me and my port. Though you can't really see it. If you look closely you can- especially the little tube going up to my neck. Yuck- creeps me out. 

So after my selfie fun in the exam room- they came in and we got down to business. The nurse I had, Lorene, was absolutely amazing. As was the doctor, Dr. Morgan. So wonderful. They both had an awesome bedside manner and were very funny. The nurse grabbed my hand right before the first numbing shot and gripped it each time he gave me another one. I'm glad she did that because they were painful as all hell. Way worse than I thought they were going to be. Maybe it's because they're going into the boob area? Needles and boobs just really don't belong together. They both kept me talking during the whole procedure which I appreciated. Made it much easier to ignore the pain when you're talking. Major props to that medical technique. Altogether I got about 6-8 shots? I'm not even sure, I tried so hard to focus on the conversation instead of counting. They got easier as the numbing kicked in- I didn't even feel the last two.

All in all that part took barely ten minutes. Once it was numb they started. He told me he was doing the incision and I didn't feel a thing so that easy peasy. I could feel the tugging as he pulled the port out but it didn't hurt. Just felt very strange and off putting. When he pulled it completely out I could hear a disgustingly amazing squishing noise in my neck where it was threaded. It was like a Game of Thrones noise. I'd give it a rating of a 7 on a 1 to 10 grossness scale. Very cool and disgusting.

The entire procedure maybe took 30 minutes. It was super fast and not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. The shots were way worse than the actual procedure. I wouldn't be in a big hurry to have those ever again. But again, nothing that I couldn't bear. I've had way worse. (See: bone drills in your butt bones)

So here is the port in all its wonderful glory!

Yes, they let me keep it! Normally doctors don't let you keep things that come out of your body. (I'm looking at you, tonsil doctor) 

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it forever- I might just toss it out. I just wanted a few pictures of it for the blog. See the little squishy parts? That's where the needles went in when they accessed it for chemo, fluids, blood work, antibiotics, blood transfusions- you name it. The white part is what was threaded into my vein up into my neck. Disgusting and cool, right?

So this is a happy day of celebration. Today the last and final step of my cancer journey is over. I am officially free. I am free from the leash (the port) that binded me to this horror. I might have mental wounds that will never heal and scars that will never fade but I am alive. I can take this experience and put it into perspective. I appreciate life more than I ever did. I appreciate the simplicity of feeling healthy more than I ever could have imagined. I relish the fact that I can eat sour food without unbearable pain (mouth sores) again. I am grateful that the cancer I did have was a curable and treatable one. I am so lucky that I am healed and on the road to recovery. 

And as a mother, this is even more incredible. The first words out of my mouth after my diagnosis were, "What will happen to Adrian?" Those were the scary moments before I knew any details besides it was cancer. Those dark moments of fear and despair. Now that my battle is over I can breathe easily again with the knowledge that I am healthy and fit. My son will not lose his mom. He will not have to see me sick again. He's seeing my health and active personality return in full force and I see the happiness in his eyes as he sees me run, play, and smile.

So today I fully feel the happiness of my remission. With the removal of that port it symbolized everything I have fought for, the battle I have won, and the conquering of the darkness that dared to taint my life.

Screw you cancer, I won.

A Shout Out!

This morning I had an appointment with my primary doctor.

Yanno, the woman that saved my life. She was the one that ordered the original x-ray that showed something funky. And the second x-ray to confirm that there really was something funky. And fought my insurance to approve the CAT scan that would ultimately show the tumor in my chest. (They didn't want to authorize it!!!)

That friggen mass of cancer about the size of a fist that managed to grow in just under six months was caught so quickly because of her fast actions and perceptive medical care.

That awesome woman saved my life. So a shout out to my kick ass nurse practitioner- Adriana Gnadt through Aurora healthcare. She is now at the Two Rivers clinic but if any of you ever need a primary physician- I would recommend her!

Thanks for saving my life Adriana. <3

It was nice to see her today, give her a hug, and thank her.

The results are in....

My pet scan results came back and I am cancer free!!!! I am 100% positively in remission!! 

 

It's funny how I never cried at the beginning but today I burst into tears at hearing the news.

This is my happy dance: 

Or more like some jumping. The picture didn't turn out as awesome as I thought it might. This one is a bit better:

Yahoooooooo!!!

I am so happy and grateful. I am alive. I am healthy. 

And to top it off? My oncologist is very optimistic that I won't be infertile after this - I might be able to have more kids! Which I don't know yet if I want more but it's nice to have the option. 

Speaking of kids- I have one happy little boy right now. He made me a "Happy Done with Chemo card"-

He said that this is me and him holding hands because I'm all better. And yes, this definitely cued more tears. I love him so much I could burst.

So many happy tears today. I have never appreciated life and health more. I have never been more grateful. I feel like I can finally breathe again. I have survived the worst trial life has ever given me. I made it. 

I am all scheduled to have my port removed on Thursday! Apparently it's easy peasy- some numbing shots, a small incision, and they pull it right out. Don't worry- I'll blog about it!

And then I don't need to do anything oncology related until my check up scans! Woohoo!!!

Thank you everyone for the love and support. It has meant the world to me. I had never felt how wonderful humanity can be until I battled cancer.

Pet Scan Number Two

Pet scan number two is over and complete! This pet scan was a lot different from the first one mainly because it was done locally at our regular hospital. But one similarity? I had Risa to be my 'before' prep person again. And she even brought me a puppy for the way there!

I think pet scans and puppies should just go hand in hand. Especially puppies that tiny!!

But back to this pet scan. It's a traveling pet scan! It's a medical circus folks!

Isn't that crazy? The entire process took place on there. The sides pop out like a camper and they drive from hospital to hospital. They injected me with their fancy contrast first and then made me chill out for an hour in this cozy armchair:

I think it was way better than the hospital room at Baycare. There I was closed up in a bed in a dark hospital room. This was just being reclined in the armchair. It was not as depressing. 

After that it was time to get scanned. My anxiety level didn't hit peak point until I was actually in the machine. The machine looks a bit like a spaceship with a grumpy cat riding it:

For those of you that haven't had Pet scans they go something like this: you lay down on the little bed, they cover you with blankets (because the rooms are always freezing,) and put this weird giant belt over you. It's the same material they make you wear for X-rays. Then once you're strapped in the bed it moves slowly inside the scanner starting at your feet and working it's way to your head. It gets a bit freaky at that middle point when it seems like your nose is gonna touch the scanner. Very claustrophobic! Once my head was in the middle I had to do some deep breathing.

It's hard not to go into that, "This isn't fair. This isn't how I should be spending my Saturday morning." Those thoughts are negative downward spirals and should be avoided at all costs. I am lucky that I am still alive to get angry about the lack of fairness of life. At least I get to be cancer free now. That's not something everyone gets to be and I'm grateful. 

So I made it, scanxiety and all. I won't have to have another scan for three months. So far the typical post care plan is scan and bloodwork every three months. So Monday we get the results and meet with the doctor to talk about taking this port out!!!

PET scan grumpy cat selfie! One more step down!

Recovery time!

Recovery has still been going smoothly since my last post. There's only a few major things I notice that aren't resolving themselves right away: I lost another eyelash (THE HORROR,) insomnia, dry skin, and puffy/bags under the eyes.

And sadly, we have a new side effect. Which I don't think is fair at all considering chemo is OVER. I'm starting to get all these horrible pains in my lower legs and feet. I've Googled (duh) and apparently that's pretty normal after chemo. It comes and goes. We went to see Thomas the Train at the GB train museum and towards the end of the day I was in so much pain from all the walking. I'm not big on taking pain killers- I never was during this whole treatment really so I'm trying to tough it out. I'll ask the nurses about it next time I go for blood work. Yes, we're still doing blood work. Monday should be my last day getting it! (At least until my three month checkup)

Saturday will be three weeks since chemo ended. Saturday is also my PET scan. I've talked before about scanxiety on here so I hope you're familiar with the term. Here's a helpful chart:

scans=anxiety=instant claustrophobia

Seems logical, right? I think cancer survivors get some PTSD from all this crap. And that's reasonable. Who could go through a scan without it reminding them of the initial diagnosis period? The PET scan takes two friggen hours which sucks. But at least it's one of the last steps to being done. I keep having nightmares about the whole thing so I really just can't wait until it's over.

And then we get to take my PORT out! WOOHOO! I've been told the procedure is way easier than it going in. I wonder if Dr. Dreamboat will get to do it. Hmmmm.

I'm going to be brave and share something I haven't shared too often.

I want to document the hair growth because I loveeee when I'm told my blog helps others with cancer so I want to keep the information train going. Let's see how long it takes!

Here's the starting point:

Baldy bald bald. There's a wee bit of stubble (can't see but feel) and we're at the three week mark. I'll post another picture once we have something noticeable. Let's see how long this takes! I've been told six weeks for it to start growing and mine is already growing so hopefully I'll have some fuzz by the six week mark.

On the opposite end of the spectrum I noticed when I pin back my blonde wig with bobby pins it looks like my hair did when I wore it up!

I look like me!!!! I can't even express how happy that made me. 

I'll update everyone on how my scan goes. I'd like to dig deeper into that scanxiety business. Now that I'm recovering my natural academic tendacies are whirling in my brain. I want to write a post about what parenting while having cancer is like too. 

Stay tuned- I'm not done writing yet!

Feeling good!

Sorry I did a vanish on everyone!!

After that last blog post I hit two days of pure feeling like crap, mouth sores, bone pain, HELL. And then on Sunday I woke up feeling like normal.

Maybe not totally normal but feeling BETTER.

And then by Monday, I was feeling even better than that.

And so on, and so on.

All my mouth sores are gone. My bone pain is gone. I stopped taking (YAY!) all my anti-nausea and pain medication. I now am officially only on vitamins. Which is thrilling for me. No pills for breakfast anymore!

I can tell that my energy level and muscles are still pretty weak. But I'm not letting that stop me. Yesterday we walked along the river, went for lunch and went to the water park. Just going to fling myself into the way I lived life before and I figure my body and muscles will catch up.

And I've already lost some of the weight I gained (or thought I gained- might have just been puffy from fluids!) which is sweet.

I bought some fancy scalp stuff at the salon to hep stimulate my hair follicles. I have some stubble but not much else. Doing everything I can to help the process along. From what I've read it can take 4-6 weeks so it probably won't be until July before I have any fuzz going on. I'll update the blog on that process.

But thank goodness my eyebrows remained intact through all this. I didn't lose all of my eyelashes but I did lose about half.

Still have to go for blood work twice a week until my PET scan next week. The PET scan is on the 20th and my results are on the 22nd. I'll be sure to update for that. And then we'll take my port out! WOOHOO!

My blog posts might become a bit less now. I have to work on packing (which we're halfway there!) enjoy the company of all my Manitowoc friends and family, and have a blast with Adrian to make up to him all those weeks of his mommy not feeling good.

So until this PET scan and final surgery I'm going to keep living life. I don't want to waste a single moment. <3

Trashy reality TV and more fluids...

Today is a better day- I'm still feeling icky BUT not as icky as yesterday. Day by day we're crawling to the finish line. I was able to sing Taylor Swift this morning to Adrian and mortify him so that is more back to our normal routine. Was able to do a few piggy back rides around the house without feeling too exhausted so that's another huge step.

My little boy has gone through so much the past few months. Seeing his mom battle cancer hasn't been fun. He's so happy to know that mom's hair is going to grow back, that she is going to be all 'fixed,' and that life will return to our normal routine. I've tried to shield him from most of this but he loves his momma and it's hard for him not to notice that things have been different. I told him my hair was going to grow back and now every day he checks my head to see the stubble (which there is some there!!!) and check the progress. 

My blood pressure has returned to normal today which I'm sure has something to do with the fact I'm feeling a bit better. Getting my bag of fluids before the weekend to help boost me. Nothing improves with dehydration. Or so they tell me. I've become addicted to Bravo reality TV shows this week. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 

The downside is that my mouth and tongue are covered in sores. It hurts pretty bad. Don't know what it looks like to have mouth sores? Don't worry. I've got you covered. Check out my tongue. 

See the whiteness of it? That's the sores. They look white. Part of it is a thrush (which until chemo I thought only babies got) and part of it is sores. 

And the irony of it all is all I crave right now is sour candy and pickles (sometimes chemo cravings are soooo similiar to pregnancy) and I can't have them.

I am managing to choke down other food though so no worries. Hopefully this will be my last week of fluids and then we just have to keep doing the blood work twice a week until my PET scan. 

After the PET scan we can take this damn port out. I hate this thing. I get the usage of it but I just want it out of my body!! 

Yucky side effects...

Well, now that the chemotherapy is over with it's time for the fun part: recovery.

I'm so happy that was my last round because at this point I'm feeling so sick I'm not sure I could have handled another round. I mean, I'm sure I could have but geez no thanks.

Six rounds of chemotherapy in my system at this point- no wonder I feel like garbage.

So far we've had every side effect amplified ten times over.

Mouth sores.

Fatigue. 

Nausea. 

Bone pain. 

Sores in the nose. 

Dizziness. 

I'm on my third round of fluids this week and I think I'll come back for more tomorrow. Might as well get as many as possible to wash this crap out of me. 

I've been on an antibiotic so that's good because this weekend is my 'nadir' point. Have to be careful I don't catch any infections. Hopefully by next week I will feel back to normal. 

So far we're in day five post-chemo. I have at least five more crappy days to go until I start feeling better. 

It will happen. It will get there. Day by day it will get easier. Right now it feels like a lifetime before I feel normal.