I've been reading Foucault and my mind went BOOM. That happens sometimes.
But there's lots of people that want some updates with a little less emphasis on the philosophy I'm sure. So here it goes.
I've been doing everything I can to try and get my body back to normal. The cancer clinic suggested physical therapy in the wellness clinic twice a week. I just finished the end of week two.
I'm trying to get my exercise face on- what do you think?
Okay with the short hairdo this picture makes me look down right scary. Grrrrrr, exercise makes me angry.
No, not really. It's actually helping quite a bit. I'm starting to look forward to it. It's not helping the fatigue at all yet (probably too soon for that) but it is helping the neuropathy. The swelling hasn't gone down but the pain is a bit better day by day. And that is amazing. Seriously, that makes me so happy.
The clinic has a pretty nice exercise room. They crafted an exact exercise regimen for me that takes into account the neuropathy and the areas it is the worst- in my feet and legs.I do exercises to improve circulation and help my balance. My balance is all messed up because of the neuropathy- I constantly trip and stumble over my own feet. Which makes me feel like I'm having junior high school flashbacks. Like I don't have enough to worry about! Ha.
I'm also doing some exercises to try and firm up my stomach just for pure vanity. The physical therapist thought that was amusing but hey, if I'm working out I might as well do that too!
Yeah, big ole exercise balls. The exercises with those are weird. I have to put all my weight on them and lean against the wall and do these weird squat things. Which I have to be careful with because the nerve pain is now in my knees (yippee) so it really yanks on my knees when I do it.
But the lady that runs things in there is hopeful that the more I do the better they might feel. I've been busting my butt and this week they already upped my exercise 'toughness' so we will see what next week brings. Basically I have a chart to follow and I have to tally my exhaustion after each exercise. As my endurance improves, the exercises get tougher. They also monitor my blood pressure and oxygen at the beginning and the end to make sure my body is reacting well. Which it has been. So horrah!
So that has been dandy. The one thing that hasn't been is the constant fatigue. And I don't mean, oh hey I'm tired today. I mean fatigue.
And it is AMAZING how much people don't understand it. Seriously, no one gets it. (No one doesn't include my awesome support network) Someone at work said something to me like, "Oh, a lot of people find they're tired their first year of graduate school."
Are you kidding me? I have fatigue because my body is trying to repair all the cells that were DAMAGED AND DESTROYED from the SIX rounds of FIVE chemotherapy drugs that I had pumped into me for FIVE days straight.
Am I a little grumpy about this cancer survivor ignorance? Totally. I feel like I need to hand out brochures.
Fatigue from chemotherapy is not just being tired. It's this bone deep exhaustion that completely takes over your body. Imagine your energy level going from normal to BAM. Hit by a truck going 100mph. Sometimes with no warning in the middle of the day. Your eyes want to close, you can't stop yawning, and your whole body feels like a weak, lifeless noodle. It is not the same thing. At all.
It's worse in the mornings but luckily coffee helps pull me through. I noticed even if I do sleep in on the weekends when I don't have to work it's just as bad as when I get up early so I think it's just something about waking up, no matter how much sleep I get, that exhausts my body.
So here's a little tip for the readers out there regarding awareness: when a cancer survivor tells you they're battling fatigue: don't minimize their suffering by equating it to your estimation of being tired.
It is not the same thing. Ever. So if the world could stop misunderstanding it, that would be great.
Phew. Get those vents out there.
In other news, it's time for some hair news!
WOAH! Look at that poof ball on my head! So here is the official hair growth at 19 weeks post-chemotherapy. So we're at a little less than 5 months.
Wow, almost five months. It does not feel that way. It feels like it was just yesterday that I lived my life in a sterile non-absorbent tan recliner, hooked up to needles going into my chest, listening to the swoosh, swoosh, swoosh of an IV dumping liquids and chemicals into my body.
I wonder if as time goes on that it will finally start feeling like a part of the past. Something that I could possibly forget. That the memories would fade. That it wouldn't feel so crisp and paper cut new in my mind.
But on the bright side, if everyone says the first year post-chemo is the hardest then I am almost half way through it. The big date that will be the worst will be the date of my diagnosis. It's burned so red hot into my brain. (February 3rd- in case you were wondering)
Perhaps I should take off to Vegas that day. We are only an hour flight or so away right here in CO after all.
Keep reading loves and I'll keep posting.
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