CT Scan

Well here it is!! The image from the CT scan!

See that where the mouse cursor is?

Yup, I don't see anything either.

NO MORE TUMOR. After just four treatments it is completely gone!!!

Talk about some fast acting chemotherapy. Guess that's why they pump you full of it. This type of treatment has a high success rate so this is no surprise. But it's still awesome to see. I was so overcome by all these emotions (all these weird FEELS) when they showed me this I just cried. I'm not a crier either. I didn't even cry when I was diagnosed. This horrible thing that has invaded my life is GONE.

Just for funsies here is a picture of what it looked like before (from a different angle):

Cya you little malignant jerk! 

BUT we still have two more treatments to go. He's turning the dose down on this next one so we don't have more needed blood transfusions again. This type of chemotherapy treamtent calls for six rounds so we have to do them all. There could be one little cancer cell lurking around and we don't want to have any recurrences.

Sucks because it's almost going to be harder going through these next two considering I know the tumor is gone. Was hoping for a 'okay you're all done!' but just have to hang in there. Less than a month until my LAST chemo treatment which is good.

So here we go on round five tomorrow morning! At least no more hospital- just outpatient chemo for me! I'll go get my first dose, my premeds, and off to home I go with my nifty pump. 

And everyone cross their fingers for me that I don't get the mouth sores too soon. 

Victory!!!

Well, the results are in and...............

You can BARELY see the tumor on the CAT scan. It is almost gone which means I am almost cancer free!!!! 

YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHOOOOOOOOO!

I'll have more details on Thursday but I thought I would share that little tidbit with everyone. My doctor was nice enough to call me on his day off with the results so that was fabulous.

Almost done with chemo and almost cancer free! We're getting there!

I can't wait to hear that word 'remission'!

CT Scan Time!

Well, I had my long awaited CAT scan this morning.

After that awesome x-ray I know we're going to get good news but I couldn't help having some scanxiety. All that fasting doesn't help either. Fasting sucks. I almost ate mini grumpy cat.

Yes, I have multiple grumpy cats.

Those CAT scan rooms are so depressing. They're dark, ugly, and that machine is so creepy. It's no wonder people with cancer have such anxiety during scan time.

Or it could be that, "What if it spread? What if it's bad news? What if it's back?" fear.

Something like that.

Other than some mild scanxiety the scan went good. Contrast felt really weird going in through a port as opposed the arm vein. I could feel the warm flash all the way from my chest to the rest of my body. Which felt reaaaly bizarre.

They said I should have the results within 24 hours so I should know tomorrow. So I'm going to be calling my doctor harassing them first thing in the morning.

It should be good news though.

And then just two more treatments to go!!! We're almost there!

Mmmm blood!

Well, we had some issues the past few days kids but thanks to science (yay science!) it's being resolved.

My white blood cells, red blood cells, and hemoglobin levels (I always think goblins when I hear this word) dropped waaaaay low.

So my doctor recommended a blood transfusion to replace my red blood cells and boost everything up.

Yup. A big ole bag of blood.

Where does this blood come from?!

Oooooohhhh duh. I was all thinking corpse blood from some reason. I read too much sci-fi. 

Nothing like some good ole blood to perk you up. The things you never realized you'd have to go through during chemotherapy. So far my counts have been pretty decent up until this point. My body is just getting worn down from so many doses. But at least I'm almost done and I don't have to be hospitalized for chemotherapy anymore. That's a bright spot. 

Seriously, the blood transfusion was kind of gross.

Oh and my blood type is A negative. Isn't this picture sick? It's like something out of a vampire movie. I like how it says volunteer donor on the bag. Like what other kind would it be? 'Taken by force?' 'Donated by vampires?' 'Stolen by nurse ninjas?'

There are some risks with blood transfusions but they're rare and minimal. I was a little nervous at first but after they started it I mellowed out. It's way better than the chemotherapy I get pumped through my chest veins right? It only took about two hours to pump it in and I had no weird reactions or anything. 

Ewwww- look at it go!! Pretty gross. But I'm already feeling more energy so yay for donated blood! Thanks random donor from Milwaukee! (I asked where they get the blood from, of course)

Now we're just waiting for the cat scan on Monday and we'll have the results by the middle of the week. Since the tumor doesn't show up on the chest x-ray we're anticipating good news. :) I can't wait to hear a percentage. Like it's 80% gone... 90% gone...something like that. 

My mouth sores are starting to clear up a little bit today too so I was able to choke some pizza down. By tomorrow I should be able to eat normal food which means I'm going to want a TON OF FOOD THAT IS NOT PUDDING.

So I had my first epic and real vampire moment and no Edward. I would have thought he'd smell the blood and come hang out with me at the doctor. 

It's probably because it was donated blood and not mine. He loves me. 

Recovery time- yoga pants and mouth sores.

Sorry again for the lack of updates kids! My sister was here from Colorado so was having some quality family bonding while she was at my house. Adrian loved having her here- it was so nice to see her. Yesterday my energy level was doing good so we took Adrian to the children's museum which he loved. Nothing makes me happier than doing 'family' things. I got a bit winded with all those stairs but otherwise did okay. Here's some pictures of our awesome exercusion: 

 

That museum is awesome- if you have kids, take them there. Feeling pretty worn out today from all the walking but I think it's good to force yourself to do fun things while going through treatment. Even if you feel like poop. 

But of course, like always, one side effect is replaced with another. Having another painful round of mouth sores again. They're all over my tongue, on my cheeks, on the roof of my mouth. Basically everywhere. They're not as bad (yet) as they were last time so I'm hoping and hoping they don't get to that point. I already can't eat anything except mashed potatoes and pudding which sucks. I want pizza!! 

It's hard not to be grumpy when I get these. They really are not fun. Not that I thought recovering from chemo would be fun but I had no idea mouth sores were part of the equation. Who would of thought? At least I'm not vomitting. That's the one side effect I haven't had much with all this chemo.  

It's getting close to graduation time! Which means finals! My finals shouldn't be too rough since this is my last semester. I should finish out my time at UW-Green Bay with a 4.0 which is great. I can't help but brag on that. Who says you can't live your life while battling cancer? Nothing is stopping me from getting my bachelor's when I'm this close. My prints came for graduation in the mail and I must say they're looking nice:

Those gowns make you look like a giant black tent but otherwise I think it's pretty snazzy. Too bad I don't have all my cords on though- I didn't have them yet when this was taken. I have two other sets of honor cords to wear for all my various honor societies. Super nerd! 

I'll try to get better with updating (famous last words) but it's difficult when there's not too much excitement going on. I really hate to feel like I'm whining on here when I'm having side effects. I mean, I know I have a right to whine but still. I don't want to write ten blog posts about my mouth sores. Well I guess I could..

Day One: Mouth sores suck.

Day Two: I am so sick of pudding.

Day Three: Oral pain is grumpy pain.

Day Four: Stupid mouth sores. 

Day Five: I would kill for pizza. 

And so on. Not horribly exciting or witty. Unless I start writing haikus about pizza. 

All I know is after this is over I'm going to be pretty hardcore when it comes to pain! 

The moment you have all been waiting for... (or not)

I've had numerous people ask me to share my poetry. Since they found my tumor I have been writing along the way. Some days are harder than others. Before the chemo started it was easier to write. During all those tests, biopsies, and scans I had my nose glued in my journal. It was the only way I could cope and stay strong. I would pick up that pen and just start writing- even if it didn't make sense. In the room waiting for my biopsy results. In the patient area before my first oncology appointment. In the chapel after I found out I might not be able to have more children after this is over.
     
So I think I am going to let you all into my mind a little further. Here is the first poem I wrote after I found out about my tumor. This was before I knew if it was cancerous or not. If I was going to die or not. Only that I had a 9cm tumor hanging out in my chest region. I curled up in bed with my journal and just let out my anger, frustration, and musings.

Mass

parasite
submerging- depleting
a fork in the light
a blunt black bastard
draining, flaming, seeping
patron puckered plastered

sycophant
fawning-festering
a scribbled word for liniment
voltage velocity hits the vein
roaring, scraping, clawing
battle drawn tenacious tiger

leech
absorbing-chewing
Father- empty your screeching preach
exterminate the catalyst
exorcising, purging, cleansing
your blasphemy fails to manifest.

One more round complete!

Outpatient chemo went great! One more round under my belt with minimal reactions. The last chemo drug they run pretty fast so that gave me a head rush yesterday but they gave me something for it and I started feeling better. I had that done right in the clinic which was probably a good idea.

So far the side effects are right on schedule but let's hope the mouth sores won't be as bad this time. Just the bone pain right now but no extreme nasuea yet. Got my bone marrow 'boost' shot today at the hospital and that went well. Going to go back tomorrow for some fluids just for a pick me up. The sweet nurse there told me that fluids are the key to try to combat those so I'm forcing myself to chug Sprite. 

Maybe I need some of you kids to come play some drinking games with me. Moose? Circle of death? It's hard to drink fluids. I just don't want to but I'm trying. I'll be a good girl and go get some tomorrow.

I have grumpy cat to remind me. Kinda. He's not the most reliable. 

I'm so excited for graduation! I have my tan appointment (all natural spray tan- no worries, guys) and mani/pedi all scheduled. I am just hoping and hoping that I will be feeling good on graduation day. Please, chemo, give me this one thing. I just want to feel GOOD the day they hand me my degree that I have busted my butt off all these years for. I just want that good day. 

I started planning on what I'm going to decorate my graduation cap with and I have some ideas but I'm having a hard time pinning it down. I thought about doing the quote from that Maya Angelou poem, "Still I Rise" and having some type of English major theme but also incorporate the lymphoma ribbon onto it. Anyone have any cool artsy ideas for me on that? 

So another round down! Just anxiously planning graduation which is good for keeping my spirits up. It's something to look forward to. Just wish the day wasn't tainted by all this medical jumbo but you can only do what you can do in life. Take what comes and just deal with it. No sense crying about it.

I've been thinking a lot about my grandma lately. She passed away of breast cancer when I was in my early 20's and unfortunately I was out of state during her fight. My mom's told me quite a few times that I remind her of how grandma was during this. It just makes me feel good to hear that. My grandma was a tough cookie and I'm glad that I'm living up to that awesome Gargac name in this fight. 

My sister is here right now from Colorado which is great. The more family support I have right now the better. Adrian's in heaven and it's so nice to have her here.