Biopsy time!

So after receiving the fun news of the unwanted house guest chilling in my mediastinum (fancy way of saying: chest) I had to undergo the good ole' cancer biopsy on January  29th, 2015.

There's no gentle way to tell someone they need a biopsy. By this point the initial hope of 'oh that thing is probably benign' had settled in to 'fuck, I probably have cancer.' At least for me. For my loved ones, I think they tended to be more optimistic.

I'm not going to claim to be Miss Cleo but from that initial surgeon appointment I already felt like it was the cancer. Maybe this is just general pessimistic thinking that turned out to be right or more accurately it was my Jedi powers. I'm thinking it was my Jedi powers.

So.... biopsy day!!

This picture is pre-drugs. Well, there were some drugs but not all of them. The biopsy was actually a piece of cake. It was helped immensely by my bartender, Lenny, the awesome nurse that took care of me throughout the whole ordeal. Seriously, Lenny if you ever read this- you were my hero that day. They had to do a CT guided needle biopsy of the tumor to take about eight samples from different areas. Honestly, I don't remember any of it really. I remember the drugs (which were fun,) being wheeled into the room, being pushed into the CT scanner, and then some clicking noises. That's about it. Pretty easy peasy. So if you ever have to have one of those done, make sure your bartender is rockin' and it won't be a traumatizing experience. Another tip of advice: ask more questions. Because when Lenny told my family that the biopsy was over he said with a sigh of relief, 'Good thing! Those always make us nervous!'

Wait, what? Apparently the biopsy itself was super risky because my tumor potato (it really looks like a potato) is lounging too close to my heart. 

Risks aside, apparently it really wasn't that bad because when they wheeled me out of the surgery room I told everyone, 'Thanks, I had a good time!'

Having cancer sucks but the surgical drugs are fun.

We asked tons of questions afterwards trying to find any tidbits of information but like any surgical test you don't know until they want you to know. I did find out that the color of my tumor is a pearly white. How pretty. I'll make a god damn necklace out of that bastard. (I always ask the important questions.)

Thumbs up for Lenny and his amazing drugs!

One thing I want to add as I go through this journey is that all the nurses (of all kinds and specialties) that I have dealt with so far at the Aurora BayCare Clinic in Green Bay have been amazing with me. They have understood my need for brass, sarcastic humor to help me deal with all this scary as hell testing. I love you nurses.