Dun dun dun.

Well kids, The big day is here.

Was sitting with some girlfriends and I ran my fingers through my hair......

Yup.

Clump of hair. Now the strands are just thinning progressively.

I am going to have one more HAIR day tomorrow and then we're buzzing it off this Sunday. Going to have a hair party with it. Get a mohawk. Let Adrian color it. Whateves.

The tingling scalp is weird. I was told about it but not necessarily enjoying that.

Now I'm not going to sit and pretend I'm taking it (as in this moment now) in perfect inspirational grace.

This shit sucks.

I'm angry and pissed off that I have to deal with this. I'm a good person. A great mother. A good friend. I donate to Toys for Tots. I recycle. I adopted a shelter pet. I don't eat animals.

So stupid.

But anyone who's had cancer is pissed off at some point too. It just flat out sucks.

BUT that chemo is KILLING it. And we want it nice and dead.

So there's a good inspirational speech for ya.

I found that clump of hair and I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my chest. It was so horrifying.

But we'll get through this. One more day of full on hair tomorrow when my mother and I take my son to the Children's Museum in Green Bay. He will have a blast. We'll get some 'goodbyeeeeee hair' pictures of me and him and then I will feel ready to say goodbye on Sunday.

And in the spirit of complaining earlier today about how movies do not portray cancer accurately.. Here's a picture of me feeling pretty damn shitty as I cuddled on the couch with Adrian.

He's so friggen adorable. And yeah, it's not all grumpy cat pictures.

My days are starting to form a pattern. 

When I first wake up. I have severe stomach cramps that kill me for a little bit. Then I feel good and I stay feeling good (overall- the stomach stuff is always lingering and you just learn to ignore it.) Then 4PM hits and I start feeling like junk. If I stay up late enough I start feeling better. It's a chemo roller coaster! I'd rather have Disneyland because this ride sucks.

I had a doctor's appointment today and they checked my blood cell counts.

And they look absolutely awesome!

Plus I learned that my rare type of funky cancer has a 97% survival rate... not just 95.

So sweet.

There's more important things than hair. My blood counts are awesome. My body is handling chemotherapy like a champ. My doctor thinks I'm fun because my cancer is so easy going. 

It's all good. It's just hair. Right?

Sigh. Maybe I'll write my hair a letter. It might look like this: 

Dear Hair,

You stay in my god damn head for one more day. One more afternoon. I want cute pictures with Adrian at the Children's Museum.

With my hair. 

One last hoorah. I'll bring a hat just in case.

SO STAY IN MY HEAD!

Love,

Linds

Sure, that sounds good. 

IT'S JUST HAIR.