Chemo and the way it screws up your food relationships.

Phew, it's been a roller coaster the past few days. The extra fluids really helped and the dizziness is finally gone. Thank goodness. So I was able to make it to the St. Patty's Day parade yesterday and that made my day!

Kiddo was super happy and we had a good time. I felt pretty tired but I was able to sit through the whole thing without having any crazy side effects. I'm having a lot more nausea this time around which sucks! And my taste buds are slowly disintegrating.

You never realize how much tasting food is essential to feeling like a normal human being until you can't taste it anymore. I can't even taste taco dip now. TACO DIP. Things like this make you really evaluate your relationship with food as a comfort mechanism. Certain foods had different associations for me. Chocolate for when I'm sad. (Cliche, I know) Taco dip for when I just want to pig out. Pizza for family fun night. Coffee for a daily morning ritual. Coffee as a homework tool. Coffee as a soothing mechanism. 

Now all those associations are gone because things no longer taste the same. I can't even stomach coffee which is the most heart breaking thing. My entire morning ritual is changed. I no longer stumble towards the coffee machine in the morning and have that sense of relief when the first cup is brewed. Now I trudge towards the water bottle and there is no sense of relief with water. Water is boring. Sometimes I mix it up with orange juice but it might as well be water because I can't really taste it anyways. I no longer have that afternoon Starbucks pick me up. I could seriously cry a few tears over this. I read in my chemo books that coffee is usually one of the biggest things cancer patients don't want during chemo. Go figure- the one thing that would give us an energy boost!

I've replaced coffee with smoothies and so far that's been okay. My favorite so far is my own version of an Orange Julius. Here's the recipe because I like to share. And it's really easy.

One banana

Three scoops of frozen yogurt

A cup of strawberries (frozen or not)

A teaspoon of sugar

A cup of orange juice

And add more or less to taste. But it's delicious- give it a try! You could sneak spinach in there which is fine too because you don't even taste it. 

Chemo really takes a lot away from a person. You lose your hair, your taste buds, your fertility, your energy, and your entire body is just wigging out. But it's all about just trying to cope with each separate issue. At least that's what I do. Can't have coffee? I'll drink smoothies. Taco dip has no taste? I'll eat it anyways and pretend. Hot flashes? Buy a cute handheld fan. No hair? Get an awesome wig.

But seriously, back to these taste buds. I have found a trick for waking up your taste buds: SOUR CANDY. Anything sour works. Pickles are good. Sweetarts are good. My sour raspberry queasy pops are a godsend. 

PRO TIP: If you or someone you love is having chemo- BUY THEM THESE:

Actually, if you email the company they will send you a free sample. The sour raspberry pop was my hero this morning. I woke up with extreme nausea- the worst I've had yet. I thought I was going to throw up all my meds (including the med FOR the nausea) and eating one of those eliminated the entire 'puke' feeling. Check out their site here for a free sample!

So those are awesome. I found some on Amazon that are only the sour raspberry flavor and I ordered some. Can't wait until they come- I'm quite excited.

The only downside to the sour stuff? The mouth sores. Chemo causes your mouth to freak out in all sorts of ways. You get sores on the inside of your cheeks and roof of your mouth. They're not like gross, X-Files sores but just the skin gets red and it hurts. But sour stuff angers them. 

So you're at a crossroads. You want to taste something but do you want to piss off the mouth sores?

I just eat the sour stuff anyways and then gurgle with mouthwash. I've got to live a little. 

Do something for me kids, drink a Starbucks and eat some taco dip for me. 

Our relationship with food is complex and it is something that we rarely think about it. You never realize how comforting certain foods are to you once you can't have them or they don't taste the same. Food is such an essential part of our lives yet we rarely think twice about it.

Enjoy your food- don't take it for granted. I know when this chemo is over the first thing I'm going to do (once the taste buds return) is get a giant white chocolate mocha from Starbucks and a big tray of taco dip. 

Just waiting until that day.